In Your Language

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Don't call it a failure until you have given it your all.

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I don't know if it's because I'm Taurus cusp of Gemini, but I have a history of giving up before I ever really tried. On top of that, I labeled myself as a failure in those things-- never to try again. The funny thing was, I never gave up on bad habits as easily as I did on things that related to my feeling of self worth. I smoked for years knowing it was bad for me, but I didn't feel bad about being a smoker so I continued to do it. I used to do things that were immature, but those things were hard to shake because I thought they were common.

Worthwhile things I gave up on:
  1. Relationships
  2. Education
  3. Chasing my dreams
  4. My inner potential 
Things I wouldn't give up:
  1. Smoking
  2. Coffee
  3. Obsessing over the past
  4. Feelings of being wronged by the world 
It was those wrong thoughts that I had to face before I could become the growing person I am today. Other than remaining a coffee enthusiast, I have repented of the other seven points. I have changed my mind about what it takes to succeed in those various areas (a lot more than I was willing to do originally). I had to work on ME before the things that involving the outside world could work well. There was no point in chasing my dreams as the old version of me. There was no point in chasing my dreams if I wasn't prepared to give it my all. There was no point to getting remarried if I was not going to devote my last energy to making it work for the long haul. 

I had to acquire new behavioral response to life's normal challenges. By doing that, I decided that I was able to do things that I had not been able to do when I was younger. I am no longer that baby (in the leading photo). I am a woman who knows how to put her weight into the task and hang on for dear life. I had to be willing to get dirty and get bruised for the RIGHT reasons.

It's no surprise that now I'm finally reaping good fruits in my life. My marriage was one of the most important challenges that I set out to master. Knowing that I have a lack of and need for family, I could not realistically pursue my education and dreams without support. So- the marriage had to be number one. And like I shared in the earlier post: I was finally convinced that I was loved, things have finally clicked in the relationship area.

I am no longer haunted by my past. I've used the hindsight for insight. I've opened my eyes to how much hurt there is in the world that I was spared. Quitting smoking let me chase everything- not just my dreams. All that is left is to continue on this path of transformation and reach my inner potential. In psychological terms, it's called "actualization."

I was never a fan of aging. But now that I actually enjoy life relatively unencumbered, I wish that I wouldn't have resisted it. I've never felt more blessed in my whole life despite my  physical weathering. So be it- it's a small cost for being a success in the making.

Thank you for reading. Any pearls of wisdom you want to add? Comment below. =)

Keep tabs on me because I will keep adding content often.  =) Blessings~


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