Recognize Your Redeemer

I was recently touched by someone’s very personal and very real story. While in the moment, I was drenched in empathy for this person’s story of pain and betrayal. The person had come to expect one thing in particular. And then— she met her redeemer. And like so many redeemers, they appear of God’s appointment and usually are not obvious to the receiver.

Resonating with your True Self

3 Steps to Win Your Favorite Every Week at Rosewholesale! Get Your Favorite Free!

You Have Something Special 

to offer the Universe

How many times have you caught yourself in a conversation where the both of you are clicking? You resonated with what they said. They resonated with what you said. It doesn't happen often but generally those experiences generate a feeling of oneness and belonging.

Vision and Faith

Go Further than your Dream.

Some people don't dare to dream.

Some people don't create 

a vision around their dreams.

Ten Things of Thankful July 6

I made a TToT Calendar

 DIY Marriage Conference 1. Marriage Conference: We were on the  waiting list for this conference funded by the United States National Guard. I was stoked when I heard that they had a spot for us WITH childcare. We've been blessed by a number of marriage and family programs offered through the military.

2. Surprise Card from my Mother in Law.

3. Lunch with Husband at Rumbi Grill. We found out that Gabriel does not like iced tea. LOL










Coffee Lovers Only®
4. I got to have Cold Stone twice in one week. Booyah! 

V-day 2012

5. Breakthrough with Husband:
He was attuned to my emotional well-being and had the courage to ask what was bothering me. I was able to talk to him about something that I was holding inside for a long time. He listened and we both came up with a strategy to put it past us. He said that it helped that I didn't seem angry at him. I felt safe in respectfully sharing something that bothered me. In the past, we would have been in a huge fight. I feel like we're in a really healthy stage in our marriage-- for the long haul. It feels amazing. I'm so blessed by him.  

My Cause

 

 I woke up this morning to this fundraising promotion. There was no hesitation on whether or not I would participate. If I were bringing in income, I would have donated more. I'm premeditating what my future income will fund: college educations for my children, a wedding that we have  yet to have, and more donations to causes that are important to me.

I've mentioned Jessie Hogsett before in a post called Response to Baby Moved to Tears. I believe I also suffered from this detachment with my adoptive family. I remember having separation anxiety when I was 13. If you ask me, that is extremely old to have such strong feelings towards being left by your parents. 

I don't talk about my ugly young adult stage that much because its, well, ugly. I should rephrase that. My inward existence as a young adult was ugly. On the outside, I was too busy playing musical instruments, writing and studying. But on the inside, I was reeling. I felt neglected and like a non-person in my own home. 

When I went off to college the first time, I started having horrible nightmares, insomnia and a relapse with an eating disorder. All of that led to what I refer to as a mental breakdown. I was a useless mess. I stopped taking my family's phone calls and I decided that I couldn't be healthy AND be in relationship with them. I'm not saying it's all their fault, but I still maintain that I did the right thing for me knowing that I was the only one who was looking out for me.

When my mother came to campus to confront me, she assumed the worst in me. She thought I was pregnant and on drugs. That was far from the truth. I knew at that moment that she didn't know me after 15 years of being "her daughter." I was struggling to make sense of the crap I went through without villainizing my parents whom I was supposed to go back home to over the summer. I just couldn't go back home. And- I never did go back "home." 

I knew that I had nothing going on with my adoptive father after an incident that is burned into my head. I was going to see this therapist when I was around 13 or 14. She kept talking to me like an idiot about her tea and rice. She was not very "culturally competent" and I picked up on it right away. ["Cultural competence" is a theme in my Human Services program.] 
 
My dumb teenage mouth told her how I'd tried to kill myself by taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I remember that day. My parents had no idea that I was "out." But, God intervened and pulled me out of that "sleep." I was disappointed and that was why I told my therapist. 

She was legally bound to tell my parents since I was a minor. That particular session, my father was picking me up. She told him that I had made an attempt on my life. All he could muster to say to me (in the most disgusted and unloving voice) was "How dare you do that to our family!" 

I couldn't handle that response on top of the numerous times he told me I should be "thankful," "grateful," and everything else speaking to the fact that he didn't think I deserved the parenting he was providing for me. I was emotionally done with them in that phase of my life. I knew I couldn't survive with that attitude from my parents. 

This was after I had nursed him to health after open heart surgery. I worked for my mother so she could have her dream flower shop. I dutifully mothered my mother the way she always begged me to fawn over her. I was emotionally dead. 

Human Placebo

The Placebo Effect is Real...

Thank Heavens

Dear Reader,

I have gone through 34 years of life to realize that the "placebo effect" is so very real. It is as real as the pain that saturates our human race. We are walking around with deficits from things that were withheld from us-- searching for that placebo. Searching for the thing, the person, the ideology that will "fill us up." The kind of filling that would fill that void to the "T". The placebo would ideally be the exact amount we need to make our lives better, or to at the very least, anesthetize our pain.

We want this "placebo" to fill us up, not to purposefully use it or abuse it, but to make us whole. We have a drive to be whole. It is part of being a living thing. It is in wholeness that we imagine ourselves being the best versions of our-self; we would be smarter, more successful, more popular.

The good news is that everyone has a void. 

10 Things of Thankful June 8

My Thought Life: Thankfulness

Join in with your own list.

I suppose I talk a good game...

The Psychology #DIY for #Frugal Living

Childlike Belief + Updates

Hi There~

Birthday Highlights...

Stop, Drop and Snuggle

My son Gabriel's instinct to roll and snuggle 

his blanket. He cries until he feels the softness on his face... and then slips into slumber...

He (like most people) has a hunger for comfort, for the touch of something soft and familiar. All it takes is a few seconds of feeling and smelling his blanket, then he ceases crying and falls asleep.

When my husband and I started dating, we spent a lot of time cuddling. I similarly felt drawn to slumber with the closeness and touch of this warm, safe human blanket being with me.

Mothers who nurse their child, might notice that they are lulled to sleep just by contact (especially skin to skin). What we don't see is a hormone secreting in our brains that is responsible for our feeling of well-being and attachment to each other. This is the hormone that is called "oxytocin."

 This physical contact is for honored relationships (rather than casual): family, friends and other organically developed relationships. This attachment hormone does not filter the good and bad people to get attached to. We must use  diligence to make sure that our oxytocin is functioning to solidify healthy, long lasting relationships. Otherwise, the withdrawal can be quite intense, like detoxing from drugs.

Recall a time when you experienced a hard breakup, or when your best friend was just beside herself immediately after a breakup. This oxytocin withdrawal is a big reason for "rebound" dating. At that point, "anyone will do" for the oxytocin "fix." That phenomenon was exquisitely captured in an episode of Alphas. 

Celebrating in Grand Style

I have a 12 year old Child! 

The birthday was yesterday; the party was today.

 It went well.

Put together the squares for Alex, ordered the red writing and "frosting grass" on the cake. Great swim party! 12 yo! http://t.co/8Q9eeOWTIN
— Meredith Elizabeth (@eunkyungsuh) May 17, 2014

*Baby surprised us by grabbing the picture of Coke and 

it went all over himself and daddy's lap*

Baby Gabriel's birthday is in 2 days! 

May is an open wallet month for this family: 

3 birthdays (two on one day), 1 dog birthday, 

and Mother's day! Phew! 

What month are you slammed with holidays and birthdays the most? How do you give each birthday it's deserved attention? Please share in the comments below! Thank you and 

Happy Birthday to my fellow May birthdays! 

 

Flawed Femme

Based on a the video featuring Nancy Thomas, adoptive mother to 9 children. http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/adoption-reactive-attachment-disorder-rad-kid/52e299e678c90a08d00002bf

My dog Bella: Jan. 29, 2012

 What do soft eyes look like?

I watched the video that I linked to above. "Soft eyes" really spoke to me. It was convicting because I've been told I have an angry expression most times, even if I don't feel angry inside. There is a YouTube-er called "clothesencounters" who said she smiles a lot because otherwise she has a bitch face. LOL, I guess I must be her sister. [sigh]

Many voices, one message: HOPE

Please join in me in spreading hope. 

As part of my blog mission, I've opened a forum to speak to answered prayers and blessings.

Click on the hyperlink "forum" above to get started. 

 

I know that I can't be the only one who's getting blessed by God, others or the universe. I'd love to hear about the ways your lives are being positively touched and transformed by events that seem to be out of our control. Sometimes that's us feeling blessed by doing our own acts of kindness. Sometimes we are the answered prayers that karma and God uses in other peoples lives. Please share!

As I shared in my last post, my husband was that person that blessed a family of 5 with extra cash. Mind you, he's pretty "cheap" for his own needs, but he is very generous in giving. When we go to restaurants, he's a big tipper.  He doesn't do it because we live in the richest neighborhood; that is the quality person he is. 

Also, if you check out my new forum page called "Hope," you will see a new opportunity that I'm opening up to my readers and fellow bloggers/writers. 

Breaking News! I'm about to be an Aunt in the next 24hrs! I'm so excited.  

Thank you for engaging with me. It has been a blast interacting with you. I look forward to your comments every day! Blessings to you and your families~

Unexpected Gift

I noticed a message in the (Other) box of Facebook,

 I was astonished to see who it was from (video)...

Turns out, my old friend was contacting me after four years of estrangement. It was a welcome gift to be in relationship with someone. Despite the time we lost, we are in a better place to have a healthier relationship. I've been exposed to a new subset of people who have given me some insight on how her life must have been and now I can use it in our friendship.

Perhaps God was preparing me to be in contact with her again- so that I could see her with his eyes. I always had a softness towards her knowing she had a rough start in childhood, but now I've talked to people who have been down a similar road enough to have more sympathy for her.

The dynamics have changed in a good way. We have a different basis for our friendship now. I think God chose the right time for us to be friends again since we've grown and matured. It's a gift because I would have assumed that she was still mad at me.

I left things owning my portion of it. Our last conversation was the first conversation that I listened to someone complain about me without getting defensive. I didn't make excuses. I didn't agree with everything she said- but I honored her feelings anyway.

I was hoping that because I handled the conversation well that it would have ended better. But at least it was good enough to keep the door open for us being friends again in the future. This was such a great lesson to me. I was faithful in ending things in the right way and keeping my heart open to her.

God has brought us back together. Perhaps because now I can be better supportive to her. I can tell her that I know how it feels. I can be that open forum for her- as anyone yearns for. And it is good for our children also.

Our kids were the collateral damage of our estranged friendship. They were hurt at the loss of the friendship. They didn't know what happened. Perhaps they assumed it was their fault. To be honest, I took for granted that they cared. But they did. I saw it in my friend's oldest daughter's eyes. It was heartbreaking. I felt like I didn't just let her mother down, but that I let her down as well.

At any rate, things will be different this time. God has fashioned us into better people, with less raw wounds. I have never felt so redeemed. I've never had someone fight for me like that since I was abandoned as a child. It is my sign that God thinks that I'm on the right spiritual track.

Perhaps this is God's practice for me so that I can restore my relationship with my adoptive mother. I left it the same way. I told her that I felt pain for her; that I couldn't imagine not being able to have a child. I told her I'd take care of her when my father dies. And he died last year. I left my heart open to her so that I am ready when she is... when God is ready to do the work in restoring our relationship.

I feel like God is cheering me on in life these days and it feels awesome. I wish this for all of you. I'm not saying that my life is easy or perfect- but it feels like every experience is being used for good. This makes all of life's crap worth while. 

Thank you for reading this personal post. I hope it influenced you in a hopeful and positive way. Keep me in your prayers and send me all the good karma you can spare. If you have your own story of relational redemption or advice to me on the rekindled friendship- please include that in your comments below! Blessings to you~

#humpdayhappenings #friendship

Deference during Differences

Photo Credit: Fbvblog.baudville.com

Deference: "a way of behaving that shows respect for someone or something" (Merriam Webster Online Dictionary).

 Picture deference as a gift given from someone to another person. It is not something that is required and it means little when it is demanded. But in the right circumstance, deference can speak volumes that you value and respect another person. When deference is offered in front of company, it would elevate the recipient to a whole new level. It would probably make someone's week or month in terms of personal esteem.

Deference can speak volumes of the quality of your relationship to others when it is offered during times of differences. It communicates the fact that you honor your differences and will follow suit out of respect to the other person. In this case, deference does not mean that you agree or think the other person is  "right." It only speaks to the foundation of the friendship or marriage.

Deference doesn't have to be dispensed out of emotions but out of mental intention. It can throw someone so off guard that despite our appetite to indulge our anger, we would instead make a gesture that would hopefully transcend our emotions. It is a gift that will not go unnoticed. You might even feel a shift in your own demeanor or notice a change in the other person's posture.

Pastor Andy Stanley (of North Point Community Church and Ministry) suggested in one of his sermons that we should be arguing over who should defer to whom. That in that competition for deference is the highest form of conflict. I defy you to have bad feelings towards another person who would put you first. (SMILE)

You might even feel like this:

September2013

 My new frame of mind is: if it feels awkward, I'm probably onto something good! (laughing at myself). Blessings to you all~

The Blessing of inheriting children who are older than your biological ones.

November 2010

My sons in the picture are 3.5 and nearly 5 years older than my  daughter. Though the did not grow inside my body, they stole the show in many respects. First of all, LOOK at them. They are so handsome. They were the first boys that I got to care/parent for; they are 11 and 12 years older than my baby son. They didn't need me to do the nasty stuff like change diapers and potty train. That was definitely a plus!

But the things that were less obvious were that, at least in my case, they were MY firsts. They were my first teacher conferences. They were my first soccer games. They were my first trip to Boy Scouts.

My first sessions with the child counselors. I helped them with homework before my daughter ever started kindergarten. They are my first birds and the bees discussion. They are my first future college goers. They are my first weddings as "family of the groom." 

But as I looked more closely, I realized that the more I got to know them, the more I understood about their father. I had the living breathing context for who my now husband is. There is virtually nothing about him that isn't explained through his kids or through his childhood. I don't take their "pieces" of their dad for granted. It was the best package deal that I could ever ask for.

Our family is special not because we were first loves that stuck it out. We are special because, despite our separate histories- we have many many firsts under our belts. We have a "family resume" that is impressive. I keep all of the brochures of the things we've done together as our evidence of what keeps us together. It's not that we're perfect but that we WANT each other day in and day out. We do not default, instead we choose to do family in a way that is unique to us.

Sure, we've hit rough spots like the rest of you. But we've also towed the line in learning about each other and making each other first. I challenge you to make someone first and not feel like family. Have you done family retreats, marriage seminars, parenting classes, communication classes, volunteered together allayed each others' fears and made each others dreams come true? 

We have. I love our family and I wouldn't change it for a moment. I wish this for all of you. Thank you for reading and following my blog~ May God Bless you with genuine self love and contentment for your life. Where you are discontent, may He supply you with the energy and motivation to change those areas- with his help.

Response to "Baby Moved to Tears"

Baby moved to tears by mom singing 

Photo Credit: marvelouswallpapers.com

I had to watch it. It was viral... trending. Everybody seemed to be doing it. But- what went through my mind was hopefully a little different. In my mind, my thoughts were pulled toward acknowledging that babies can indeed understand emotion beyond just crying for their needs. Would it be a stretch to say that these babies have come "online" with human compassion?

Too much is hurled at us about bad things: school shootings, cheating, devastation and fraud. There is a subset of children/people who had such traumatic childhoods that they do not have this emotional connection or intuition. There are children who have what was known as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) that have splintered social reasoning- many times due to things totally out of their control.

One such RAD survivor is Jessie Hogsett. He wrote a book Detached, a personal memoir about how he has evolved past his childhood trauma to be a light to many people's lives. He also is a husband and father who is very much attached to his family. He started a foundation called "P.A.T.C.H.E.S." that provides support and resources to families who are rehabilitating RAD children and building solid families.

For me, he symbolizes hope in my eyes for children, many foster and adopted, to overcome institutionalization and abuse. I have had a close affiliation with adopted children/adults throughout my life. I have heard of RAD in these kids before I ever knew about the diagnosis. I've heard of children being so beaten down that I honestly didn't know how they could keep themselves "together."

I knew one adopted guy who's adoptive mother told him he should just die. One day, she found him outside on their lawn and he was just laying there. She spit through her words, "Why are you just laying there?" And he replied, "You told me I should die, so I'm laying here." I still choke back tears when I think back on this demoralizing and heartbreaking real life story. Another girl ran away from abusive parents in Canada. She told me many unbelievable things that I can barely remember 13 years later. But her brokenness and fear has never left my mind.

On the bright side, Izidor Ruckel, a Romanian adoptee, who had a similar social handicap and he was recently in the news for making a name for himself. He has made a documentary that was featured on the Washington Post  on January 30, 2014: A Lost Boy Found His Calling. Laura Mathews was also in "the system". I personally met her through the Easter Seals. She is now a lawyer who has a special interest in caretakers of special needs children. She makes sure that all of their legal and financial ducks are in a row for the security into the future.

I share this video to bring us back to our humanity. Let's not take things for granted. We are so blessed to have each other in our lives. We are installed with oxytocin, the hormone of love and attachment. Our brains are wired to develop BASED on nurturing, loving, and ministering to the innocent children and babies who are brought into this very much harsh world. Even though many children go through these horrors, people like Jessie Hogsett, Izidor Ruckel and Laura Mathews can come out victorious and influential in their communities.

[I pray that God keep our hearts tender toward each other. I pray that our hearts be moved to tears for the horrors of this world. I pray for all of the disadvantaged children to grow up into more lawyers, authors and documentary makers. God is not done with us, even the ones who have lost touch with their God-designed humanity. I pray that we all hug each other longer and more often. I pray all of this in HIS Perfectly Loving Name, Amen.]

In response to Michio Kaku

Photo Credit: teambeyond.net

"By 2100, our destiny is to become like the gods we once worshipped and feared."

Michio Kaku is a theoretical physicist. Navigate here to learn more about him.

I would never claim to posses the intellect or potential that he has reached in his life. I am really no-one compared to anyone. Still, I, with my whole being, shudder at this quotation of his.

Even if I wasn't a Christian believing in one God, I would hate to embrace this projection. I am all for people to strive to their potential and seek what they were put on the earth to do. But I do not want any "man" to be a "god" over me. Yet I'm not surprised that such a solid scientist would have this notion.

That is one of the reasons why I have a distrust for scientists who want to have an answer for everything... to be all-knowing and possibly all-powerful. I acknowledge that there are many God fearing invaluable scientists, so I'm not speaking of a blanket statement. But for those scientists that cannot have room for faith AND knowledge (seeking to be of god-status); no wonder why they want to debunk Christianity and the Bible. Now- if said scientist had no interest in being god-like, I wouldn't have so much trepidation toward them.

I admit. Humans can create some things. Humans can learn some things. Humans can know some things. But they cannot answer all of the questions of the universe. They can't create another earth. That is something that only the Creator God can do. That is the pompous mentality that will have humanity crushed like Sodom and Gomorrah.

If humans become gods, so too will the responsibility that comes with it. We will become the genie of the lamp with shackles and curses. Only God can possess power without curses and destruction. I seek a powerful person (not a god) to use that power for good. I am okay with being fairly ordinary. I am okay with knowing myself and fellow man. The quotation brings to mind varieties of scenes from the TV series Supernatual where both demons and angels have awesome powers but end up destroying more than anything.

I don't want to be worshiped or feared. I don't want to know anything more than I can handle. I don't want any responsibility more than I can handle. I still have dreams and visions of influence. But I don't want to replace my Almighty Perfect and Ever Loving God. He is the only one who can endure that lonely only position.

Hopefully I'll be long dead by the time "our destiny" comes along... God have mercy on us.

The God Fliter

 Photo Credit: momgetsalife.com

This is something that can really set certain believers apart from the rest of society. People who choose to experience life and make choices based off of their "God Filter" will most likely stick out like a sore thumb. Many times these people will stand alone. Many times these people will do the unpopular thing. Many times these people will see things and value things that are not perceptible to others who are not familiar with or using their heavenly filter.

When I was on the Easter Seals getaway in the Mountains, I was initially disappointed that all 5 of us were not appreciating the experience for what it was intended by us the parents. We saw this as a family building, quality time opportunity. I thought that this was what God would want me to do for my family.

But as time went on, the disappointment faded as I decided to find new value and perspective of the "why" I was there. I looked at the majestic beauty around me. I saw how perfectly the snow clung to each leafless limb effortlessly. I saw volunteers vibrating at such a positive frequency. I met people who needed to be heard... by me.

Suddenly I realized that God wanted me there not for my children and family, but to open my eyes to his beautiful and yet hurting world. One lady approached me and said she could tell I was burning for Jesus. Now to the average person, they would discount what this lady said because she is "different" and notably so. She asked me to spend time with her during our stay. I shared my snacks and let her talk.

She asked me to help her get her GED by supporting her with her math portion. She asked me-- a total stranger -- and yet through the workings of God we were not so strange to each other. She has a son who has been largely rejected by the biological father. She had pain in her eyes. I felt God telling me to focus on the parents around me and to minister to them in the moment and in whatever the future brings.

Once I realized why God put me there among all of those children and families, the fact that my children were oblivious to the amazing opportunity made it clear that my purpose for the trip was not God's purpose. I feel that God wants me/us to keep in touch and to support each other over the distance. My eyes were opened wider for the sibling of the special needs child. I saw a huge discrepancy in the energy and attention put into the children.

I felt convicted of coming up short as a parent. But that is the point. We will always come up short. Our only recourse it to continually confess, apologize and repent to each other. I hope that my vision  and hope for the siblings to thrive and to feel celebrated is also God's will. If that is true, I will  the best I can, within my influence, to bring it to pass. But I believe the call is even greater to solidify the relationships and not just elevate our "typical" children.

Now that we are back in our home environment I am content with the knowledge that we didn't make any family breakthroughs because using the "God Filter" I see that HIS purpose was fulfilled. He continues to show me that even the sick people who need ministering need to be willing to be ministered to. All I need to do is be poised for action and wait for the invitation or agreement. Even Jesus didn't heal all the people he encountered-- he only healed the ones who agreed to his influence.

***********************************************************************

I pray that God tunes our experience filters to align with his vision for us. I pray that through this filter we can feel a sense of peace and value in ourselves and outside of ourselves. I pray that God give us the awareness of our callings and the boldness to act on it. He WILL use every situation for good- even if it is not the "good" we had in mind. I pray all of these things in his Mighty and Loving Name, Amen.

Raw Potential Through Shifts of Perspective

 Photo Credit: coachdayne.com

I've taken up a new hobby of sorts that has fueled a lot of my researching and creative energies. All of that to say- in that process of putting effort into this new endeavor (for personal benefit), I've come to the realization that God wants us to see value in even the least of things or people. We are not finished products. We are still masterpieces in the making. He calls us to see things as raw materials to be redeemed for a new (and perhaps a better) purpose. He wants us to have the grower's mentality (thank you, Pastor Jimmy Evans of Marriage Today Ministries). He wants us to sow and reap by exponential numbers.

Have you ever reveled in the fact that one seed that becomes a plant has the POTENTIAL to seed an infinite number of future plants of the same kind as long as they are tended to. I started to see that I was still throwing things away that could be of value to me or at least someone else in another part of the world. I started to think of what I am doing that could be shared with the rest of the world, especially the less fortunate.

This lesson in perception has taught me that God doesn't want us to give up on people, relationships and the things that HE values. This tree that you are looking at is ancient: think of all of the people that sat in its shade or all of the squirrels that perched on the branches. Think of the person that planted the plant that provided the seed for this tree.

This person that you interact with on a particular day may not be your cup of tea and may not suit YOUR purposes. But this exact person has infinite value to God and in the scope of HIS KINDGOM unbeknownst to you. Mine that person for their INTRINSIC value- not what you want to get out of them. Think of their potential. Think of the people they influenced in their lives. Think about their energy footprint in this timeline we call life.

I feel challenged to value the things that God values. I want to think "It's not just... it's a future..." or "He's not just the person I see right now... but the future version of him who has yet to come to be."  I want to hold on to you a little longer. I don't want to bring any more into my life until I truly see the breadth of provision I have in my life- to my ability.

My main idea is a prayer that we see treasure in things that are not shiny, new or obvious. I pray a spirit of thanks to wash over us for the provision that God has so lovingly bestowed upon us. I pray that we become overwhelmed by the unmined bounty in our lives. I pray these words in his ever wise Name, Amen.

Blessings to you~