Dear Step Families

Combat your Prejudice

The area of blended families is the last frontier of socially sanctioned prejudice. There are activist groups for most sub-populations of Americans. The one population who gets the most legal and social prejudice is step-parents and step-families. I think this is the most insidious place for discrimination. If I write this post within my intentions, I will insult you little and motivate you to do better.

If it is okay to discriminate at home, then how easy does that make it to do it elsewhere? On top of that, we are basically modeling to our children that we CAN and SHOULD prejudice people who are not genetically related to us. Ok, to put that in perspective: how much of the global population to you claim as your genetic family? 

It's not just that step-parents succumb to prejudice, so do the children. But, I'm talking to adults and adults are the ones who need to be the "bigger people." I get it. You were a stepchild once and your stepmother mistreated you. And then, low and behold, you find yourself married to a person who has kids from a previous marriage.

The visceral reaction is to play out those unhealthy dynamics with an INNOCENT child. Your feelings and memories are valid. But they are not valid in this new environment. Don't get me wrong, every one has their pain and needs grace. But, for the love of your spouse, this largely innocent child, and the future of the marriage that holds together your present family, keep your past in your past.

Relational Grit

Relational Grit

I have done a lot of thinking on how we have made it this far. That is really striking to say because it makes it sound as if we were a train wreck. But the truth was, we really were. We were both pretty messed up on our own; and then we had to go on and put our crazy trains on the same track. It really is a miracle that we have greatly improved our relationship despite the odds.

In my psychology studies, there is a concept of personal grit that allows people to succeed and overcome the challenges inherent to life. Angela Lee Duckworth gave a TED presentation on "grit" that you can see by clicking here. Margaret M. Perlis writes about it on Forbes.com here. When I Google searched "relational grit" there were no results close to relationship or grit as a psychological term. The closest result was an article called "Does Your Marriage Have Enough Grit?" So, perhaps that is a good reason for me to continue this post.

My life is Good: June

Life is Good

I'm going to make you tired of hearing how good my life is. (wink)

 June must be one of my favorite months. The weather is beautiful. The clothes are more fun. The grills are smelling great. We get a breather from the "big" month of May in our family. There are 3 birthdays in 3 days, Mother's Day, an anniversary and all of the end of school year activities in May. Recovery time = June

Developments with Family:

I hear some parents dread the summer with the kids home. And, I was tempted to feel that way too. But I've felt led to use it as an opportunity. When my daughter goes off with her father for summers, I am no longer grief stricken, but use that time to spend quality time with my other kiddos. We're going to go back on similar school schedules rather than staggered. But even then, I've had a time optimizing strategy. 

It's nice that the kids are more able to help around the house than last year. I've grown in my love for my other kids since the baby has been around. I love them because I am seeing a new side of them as role of big sister or big brother. 

Personal Developments:

I played around with the photos I shot with my new camera that I got for my birthday. I was also getting used to my first class at University of Phoenix and the way they set up their modules. I'm of new to this online AND team project stuff. I know I will have to work in teams in the future, so-be-it. My mind is on fire with processing my life and my studies. I feel on the top of my game, mentally.

Blog in Review:

I've made some new blogging friends by meeting Kathewithane.com in person. I had a Guest writer whose story was so compelling that it appeared on my "most popular posts" list. I wrote a guest piece on life after adoption for Psychologist Bob Brotchie at www.angliacounselling.co.uk/. He was responsible for the I.C.E. Protocol for the cell-phone contacts list. I did 21 posts in June which is about 5 posts each week. What do you think about the variety? I had a slight dip in Alexa but I've maintained strong standing (whatever that means, smile).