Recognize Your Redeemer

I was recently touched by someone’s very personal and very real story. While in the moment, I was drenched in empathy for this person’s story of pain and betrayal. The person had come to expect one thing in particular. And then— she met her redeemer. And like so many redeemers, they appear of God’s appointment and usually are not obvious to the receiver.

Harmony of Past and Present

In Foster Care Aug '84

My Adoptee Journey Destination: Wholeness

Most of my life, I thought that the only way I could be "okay" with life was if I could rewrite it. The static nature of my past was all to disheartening and condemning to me. It was easier to stop looking back. But then, life kept repeating itself. The past I was avoiding kept on appearing in my present.

It wasn't until I embraced God's call to repent of my ways, that I could look at my past and improve myself. God told me it doesn't matter where I came from (time/history perspective) but where I am now, in contrast. But ultimately, my destiny as a Believer is Heaven. Heaven is the antithesis of my previous life before I became "born again."

My first birth was less than dignified. Without holding on to blame, I can only understand it as the convergence of dismal circumstances with the culture in which I was born. But, my God given desires have always pointed me back to my family of origin. (Not to the exclusivity of my adoptive family, but to have a comfortable duplicity in my life.) 

I know God was trying to orchestrate something big in my life. He juggled the circumstances along with my sometimes unthinkable actions. But that matrix of his Loving Hand and my limited wisdom has brought me to a time where, I have total confidence in what he has in store for me, for my family and for the world. 

Resonating with your True Self

3 Steps to Win Your Favorite Every Week at Rosewholesale! Get Your Favorite Free!

You Have Something Special 

to offer the Universe

How many times have you caught yourself in a conversation where the both of you are clicking? You resonated with what they said. They resonated with what you said. It doesn't happen often but generally those experiences generate a feeling of oneness and belonging.

Fierce Love

Man's Greatest Fear: 

to love and not be loved back

Hack Conversations for your Sanity

Because we are easily influenced, we must 

monitor which attitude acceptor sites we maintain.

Emotions are Tempting

I am a deep thinker. I watch serious, thought-provoking, and educational media like: "The Case for Emotional Hygiene" and "What is the Impact of Toxic Thinking?". I don't share this to put you off but to reveal a bit of myself. I don't do those things for show; it is merely a part of who I am. That is what I do when I'm "in character" and genuine to my inclinations.

Relational Grit

Relational Grit

I have done a lot of thinking on how we have made it this far. That is really striking to say because it makes it sound as if we were a train wreck. But the truth was, we really were. We were both pretty messed up on our own; and then we had to go on and put our crazy trains on the same track. It really is a miracle that we have greatly improved our relationship despite the odds.

In my psychology studies, there is a concept of personal grit that allows people to succeed and overcome the challenges inherent to life. Angela Lee Duckworth gave a TED presentation on "grit" that you can see by clicking here. Margaret M. Perlis writes about it on Forbes.com here. When I Google searched "relational grit" there were no results close to relationship or grit as a psychological term. The closest result was an article called "Does Your Marriage Have Enough Grit?" So, perhaps that is a good reason for me to continue this post.

How I stopped living paycheck to paycheck

Money as a Brick and not as a Shovel...

Behaviorally, we had to discipline ourselves to our reality: income level and wealth. Psychologically, we needed to stop indulging our every last "want." Spiritually, we needed to value things that have no price-tag.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed financial advisor. I hold no degrees in finance or economics. My husband is completing his masters degree in Business Management with a concentration in Economics. He has a bachelors degree in Finance. I am speaking from what worked for us. We started with a small inheritance and used it to pay off our cars and credit cards. We are committed to staving off remission of bad money habits.

Aside from those core things, I...

IDENTITY I.C.K.

Irish?    <+>   Czechoslovakian?   <+>  Korean? 

 I was doing this project on the profile of adolescence for my Human Services Human Systems and Development class. And I couldn't help but consider myself in how I compared to the rest of teenagers of the past...

So I hope you see that I got the concept "Identity I.C.K." from Irish, Czechoslovakian and Korean. It is so apropos because I did feel much "ick" from my adolescent phase in life. The identity part just about did me in. It was hard enough being an early bloomer and Asian gal with a "rack." 

Kick the Blaming Habit in 5 Steps

1. Bless the Other Person

Just because you are at odds doesn't mean you need to curse the other person. Unless this is the last time you're planning on seeing them...

2. Love in Return for Wrongdoing

Love in this situation reflects more about you as a person than what the other person deserves.

3. Accept the Person as They Are (Imperfect)

When we acknowledge that all people are imperfect, there is less need to alienate each other for being human. If we wait to accept people when they are perfect, it will be a futile waste of patience. 

4. Mend the Condition of the Relationship

Where blaming tends to harm the condition of the relationship, we can purpose to do the opposite. Mending adds to the strength of relationships.

5. Elevate the Other Person

It is hard to be harsh to someone we elevate in value. It would also elevate the standards of the relationship.  

Human Placebo

The Placebo Effect is Real...

Thank Heavens

Dear Reader,

I have gone through 34 years of life to realize that the "placebo effect" is so very real. It is as real as the pain that saturates our human race. We are walking around with deficits from things that were withheld from us-- searching for that placebo. Searching for the thing, the person, the ideology that will "fill us up." The kind of filling that would fill that void to the "T". The placebo would ideally be the exact amount we need to make our lives better, or to at the very least, anesthetize our pain.

We want this "placebo" to fill us up, not to purposefully use it or abuse it, but to make us whole. We have a drive to be whole. It is part of being a living thing. It is in wholeness that we imagine ourselves being the best versions of our-self; we would be smarter, more successful, more popular.

The good news is that everyone has a void. 

REFLECT ON CATT

PART 1 | PART 2

There are some people you meet that you can never forget.

I don't want you to forget Catt. What ever stirred inside your mind and your heart as you read her story, sit with that a while. Let that feeling help shape and soften you to the world outside of "me."

When I read through her core post, I thought to myself: "I don't want to be the same person after I do this guest post with her." Without telling me (or you) what part should or needs to change or adjust, don't resist it. It's your journey, you take the steps.

There were a few things that hit me while editing her story. We have a lot of similarities related to our experience as adopted people. We have some strange ways of relating to people based on our most foundational abandonment. But we also have a fierce sense of loyalty and willingness to change to solidify relationships.

That willingness is something that you won't readily find in non-adopted people. And if you do find it, don't let it go. It's a precious character trait to have in yourself and in your loved one. It's the thing that will take a relationship the distance it needs to go.

She and I both grew up only children. Not having siblings painted the way we learned to associate with other people. Additionally, our feeling of estrangement (distance) with our adoptive family were shared. For her, her "at odds" feeling was resolved, and unfortunately, mine is still ongoing. At this point, and Catt would agree, it is in God's hands.

I was struck by her willingness to bare her bad and ugly side. Perhaps it is because she feels so remade in the "image of God" that who she was does not taint who she is today. That is a really healthy relationship to have with your past.

For me, I don't like to share the ugly of my life. I am at peace with it, but I'm not at the point where I feel like if I speak about it, it will touch people's lives. In that sense, I feel quite ordinary. I have some lesser (from my P.O.V.) issues that I need to work through and perhaps that will be the juncture when I feel led to bare more of my life.

I do feel like I have great purpose in life. I feel like the great things I have done and can do is through God's provision of skills and intuition. I feel like I have a book waiting to be written about my life. I feel that I have an impact on humanity that has yet to take force. I know that this life is more than "about me." 

GUEST SERIES: Catt Peace 2 of 2

Graphic: According2Meredith.blogspot.com, words of Catt Peace

Continued from... "

You have to be a Christian to have 

your prayers answered. Right?

 

How Adoptees Find God

The following are her words with my editing, formatting, brackets and headers:

I Dream of...
Rationally thinking, all these conversations with the two of them must have been on my mind, as one night I had a dream. In my dream, I met the person: the person I had always been needing and looking for. I spent what felt like an eternity with him [feeling] so happy and peaceful. We talked, laughed, and joked.  At the end of my dream, I said "I don't know your name", and this vision of perfection smiled at me with the most beautiful smile and said "I know, I'm Jesus".  I woke up feeling amazing.

Magic of the Subjective Experience
[Although it] sounds corny and weird; it happened. When I told my colleagues, one was amazed and the other was jealous. It was still several months, maybe even a year, before I let this gnawing feeling on the inside get the better of me. I asked the Christian colleague ([that] I didn't get on so well with) when the next 'public' (less full on and less dramatic) service was as I felt I needed my 'yearly dose of religious.' Having grown up always attending Christmas and Easter services at the Catholic Church of England and Evangelical-type establishments, [I could at least do "that."]

Slaughter-er to slaughtered?
My colleague was a bit taken aback. My co-workers, [not unlike other believers,] spent so much time patiently inviting colleagues to church only to be scoffed at behind their backs.  Still, every Christian knows they are setting themselves up for slaughter whether publicly or privately with non-believers [when they broach the subject of religion]. 

Receiving blessing with moral support
I persuaded my best friend at the workplace to join me (strength in numbers) for a service my colleague had forgotten to invite me to. (He says he will never forget that, the one time he gave up asking was the one time I asked instead.) [At the part of the service] when a man was asking if anyone needed prayer, I nudged my diabetic atheist friend to go up. {Mental monologue as follows: I didn't need prayer. I had some form of belief in a higher power having studied various religions only to conclude that no-one had it quite right. "That would do me just fine. Thank you."} But my friend would only go if I did. [So I went because] I felt he needed it.

Challenging the Power of Laying Hands
[Now, we are both in front of the preacher.] In heels, I towered over the man who stood in front of me and asked what I wanted prayer for. I quite cheekily said, "Anything He wants to give me." As this preacher man put his hand on my head, it felt like a battle of wills as to who was going to win. It felt like he was pushing me over 'in the Spirit' (I had done this religious nonsense before) against my heels holding me upright. I won. Ha, take that you religious weirdo.

Church for a healthy social environment
In the time that followed, I started attending Church as something to do. I had made the decision that my long-term boyfriend (the angel who had set me straight again) and I needed to move forward in our relationship. We were living in a tiny dingy little annexe with mould growing on the walls and not enough sunlight.  [It was time for a relationship upgrade.]

I went to Church to meet people in the local area. I went to Church [only] for something to do on a Sunday. On a particular Sunday, I had already decided that I needed to find somewhere new to live and made a precise list of what I wanted in a home. After looking for a week or two all over the internet [of my own power] to no avail, I raised my thoughts heavenward. I said "It's me again. Help us out and I'll make this a regular thing, yeah?" 

Be careful what you pray for... It might come true
[Precisely] that afternoon, I found my dream home in a previously undiscovered corner of the internet. My list was ticked off. On my solo and very modest wages, I would be taking a massive financial risk. My parents promised me assistance and encouraged me. They, and many others by this point, weren't too fond of my long-term boyfriend anyway. [Furthermore, they thought this move would likely move him out of my life.]

Fast forward a few months, my boyfriend and I had none of the same interests and none of the same friends. I decided I needed to learn how to live my own life and make myself happy without him. [Eventually,] we spent a lot of time apart. You can only ever change you, not other people. 

Christian Camp Take Two
I was begrudgingly persuaded by some of my new 'friends' in the Church to attend a Christian camp. [It didn't take much effort as,] I had done it before. I could deal with a week of religious nutters as I needed a holiday, [I sounded off in my head]. They were planning on talking about what the Church was doing in society [and] mobilising 'God's Army.' I thought I'd go along to learn what I could about me. [I planned on] separating the message about God from the general theme of being a good person. "That’s basically what Christianity is, right?"

All Signs looking up
Just as we left the home of the now friends', previously [strange] colleagues, (all packed up [as if we are heading] to a week in the sun), I stopped my car.  I said, "Something special is going to happen. [I noticed all the signs that were jumping out at me.] It's exactly ten years since I last went to a camp just like this and ten years since my parents got our old dog." (My parents were getting a puppy that weekend.) [Those signs gave me] a weird feeling of anticipation.

I was and still am well aware of the politics within any organised group, including and especially churches, so I linked arms with a new friend. We distanced ourselves [physically] from the rest of the Church. Even to the point that on the first night, we sat seperate from each other, and seperate from anyone else we knew. 

Gripping the Heart of the Adopted 

GUEST SERIES: Catt Peace 1 of 2

Introducing a Friend & Kindred Spirit....

This is not the first time I've correspondence worked with Ms. Peace. I met her while participating in the same support group for adoptive families. She is real to the core and can unabashedly talk about herself knowing she is a redeemed and priceless soul.

Now for the Word-Smithing of

Graphic Credit: According2Meredith.blogspot.com, words of Catt Peace

The following are her words with my editing, formatting, brackets and headers:

You have to be a Christian to have 

your prayers answered. Right?

A bit of luck

When I was a young teen, maybe even preteen I attended a Christian camp for a holiday. Having been loosely involved in Church activities (as a clause in my mid childhood adoption from an Evangelical Christian family to an Atheist one), I didn't feel unease at being enveloped in the week-long camp. I had been encouraged to begin attending a lunch-time prayer group at my Catholic school to make friends, and this lead to an unexpected opening to the camp as a friends sister had paid up her holiday and was taken violently ill quite suddenly.

Camp
I went along to the camp, and the girls I roped in with weren't particularly overjoyed at having me hanging around. I was anxious, socially awkward, clingy, bizarre. I have always been good at spending time alone though, or making one particular intense 'special friend' for any needed amount of time. Almost like a hunter, pick off the weakest or friendliest in a group and claim them for my own.

Back in History
My history at this point was as follows, the first few years of my life were spent living with my alcoholic biological mother, who was incapable of looking after me and moved me around a lot. She had a lot of boyfriends. My biological father would follow us and rage about her behaviour. She was in and out of hospital, like I was in and out of foster homes. I was adopted aged 7 after a few years in a more stable environment.  I moved to a suburban housewife's paradise, a world away from the poverty and trauma I had experienced with my bio-Mum. 

God Twerk

Clash of Cultures

10 Things of Thankful June 8

My Thought Life: Thankfulness

Join in with your own list.

I suppose I talk a good game...

Reflection: "Motherless by Choice"

SOURCE

This woman, student and author, has had a pretty hard lot in life. Her article that I linked to under "source" is raw and moving. I felt her conflicting emotions and tug of loyalty between herself and her mother. I felt drawn to reflect on her story as it is reminiscent of mine. I am also "motherless by choice," but I'm also family-less, and I've been involuntarily motherless through "virtue" of adoption. As I recently wrote an article about my life living with adoption, I came at a new understanding of my experience in life. Please scroll through the infographics and my accompanying words.

(I have forgiven my parents and myself for the condition of our relationship. They did the best they could with the tools & experiences they had.)

Katie Naums Toxic Relationship | Create Infographics

Can you relate? I can...

Human USB

Who are you? How do you know?

I watched this TED talk performed by Thandie Newton on how she mistakenly valued how she thought of herself independent of when she was interacting with acting or other people.

She, by all appearances, seems to be a person who would not be burdened much, other than by too many romantic overatures. But she revealed to the audience that she had identity issues revolving around how she perceived herself (racially). She is half African and half Caucasian. 

She said, that humans put too much of an emphasis on diversity as if it is an anomaly when it isn't. No matter what person was spawned [tongue in cheek], they are always half their mother and half their father. Actually, she said that scientifically they found that Africans from different countries in that continent have more genetic diversity than between an African and a British person. Wrap your head around that one! 

What I found fascinating is that she felt most alive when she was dancing or acting. Put differently, she felt more person-ness (wholeness) when she was plugged into a USB. No, just kidding. =) Referencing my leading photo.

More than you Bargained For

When you deal with me, 

you deal with my Parent's 

influence on me

According2Meredith.blogspot.com

I listened to the Focus on the Family Broadcast (Daily Edition 05/29/14) by pastor Louie Giglio talking about generational impressions and influences. He proposed that we have to look into our past and deal with it so we don't bring it into the present and future.

I've mentioned this theme of family legacies, for bad or for good, before in different ways. But, after listening to pastor Giglio, I realized that I'm screwed. I mean, my family doesn't have a chance, but for the Grace of God [or whatever source you have].

Put a frame around it

"How you frame what you say is everything."

~Rina Wallace, Professor, Univ. of Phoenix 

 

True story. I made a post on a discussion in my human services module and my professor said to me the above quote. She also said that I shouldn't have to hold back in my contribution to the discussion. The only thing she warned me about was something that would be useful to my future in the human services realm.

 

Other words that come to mind about the quotation:

According2Meredith.blogspot.com

Those are the things that I left of out my post that made it seem very dry and incomplete. Funny enough, I've had this prompt in the Blogger "draft" category for weeks and now life has jabbed me in the ribs to go on and do it! 


My Claims to Frame: 

Christian, wife, adopted, mother, deep thinker, analyzer, non-confrontational,
"devil's advocate" for the sake of conversation

for starters...