In Your Language

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Reflection: "Motherless by Choice"

This woman, student and author, has had a pretty hard lot in life. Her article that I linked to under "source" is raw and moving. I felt her conflicting emotions and tug of loyalty between herself and her mother. I felt drawn to reflect on her story as it is reminiscent of mine. I am also "motherless by choice," but I'm also family-less, and I've been involuntarily motherless through "virtue" of adoption. As I recently wrote an article about my life living with adoption, I came at a new understanding of my experience in life. Please scroll through the infographics and my accompanying words.

(I have forgiven my parents and myself for the condition of our relationship. They did the best they could with the tools & experiences they had.)

Can you relate? I can...

This is me as a child:

This is what I encountered during my life post-estrangement...

I hope you notice that:

  •  I had more problems after 
  • Some of the problems were the same
  • The adult problems were not dispensed by my parents
  • The problems I had been exposed to became part of my personal repertoire
*To clarify, I did not have alcoholism, but my father did and my ex-spouse does. I had to live with that illness. That is why I included "co-dependency."

    14 Years Later

     I've learned that: 

    1. I made the decision based on the assumption that I would stay the same for the rest of my life. I didn't account for the possibility of me (her/them) changing
    2. I made the decision for my children to not have half of their family involved in their lives.
    3. My parents were as tortured as me.
    4. I forgot about the power of forgiveness.
    5. I overvalued the strength of blame. 
    6. I didn't count on becoming a hypocrite. I've not been able to deliver on my (or Katie's) vow never to hurt my children. But, I have to some degree.
    7. There will be trials in life: different place and different people.
    8. There is no solace in unfinished business. (My father passed away last year.) 
    9. God has the power to redeem any relationship.  

    Thank you for reading! I hope you found this article valuable. Please share any gentle comments. I look forward to reading them and responding to you! Blessings to you~ And may our Higher Power (or God) restore your most sacred of relationships. 


    *Refer to the "Labels" section below for more interesting posts.* 

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