In Your Language

Friday, June 20, 2014

Defensiveness Fails

Reporting to you in a representation of Real Life:

It might seem like the things that I write are from a place where I'm standing outside of a reality similar (not the same) as you. But, as different as my life is from yours- it is not without a flux of challenge and victory. Thankfully for me, most challenges have become victories. Hallelujah~

Defensiveness Fails

The Illusion of Safety

This verse holds great advice, but where does this fit in REAL LIFE? Even on our best days, it is hard not to rub someone the wrong way- and forget it if they happen to be having a bad day. No TNT required~

And, there are people out there that have no intention of being peaceful. I know- it blows me away too. But that is just a part of life. A rose without the thorns is a hybrid (imposter) rose, not the real thing. Don't let people judge you who are not there to help you. Recognize the trolls in your life.

Some people outright don't know what they are talking about. In the moment, we think that everyone else knows better than us. It's a knee jerk reaction that we have and it is connected to defensiveness. There is no point in getting defensive in response to utter ridiculousness. The same way there is no need to block a kick that will not reach your body. It is a waste of energy.

Some people have so much pain that they cannot help but bring it into their relationships. Don't turn away from these people. But don't absorb their negativity. Try to recognize what is manifesting in the present is really about something in their past. No amount of  conversing will turn around a non-peaceful situation if it involves past traumas. Instead, it's better to recognize that it is not about you (despite the flack you feel) and try to minister to this hurting person.

I refuse to stay angry at people. I reject as much poison in my life as I can. My anti-venom is asking myself, "Is it likely, that if they were in my position, they would do the same thing?" or "If I was in their position, would I do the same thing?" And if I can come to an unforced conclusion that they or I would do the same thing, I release that emotional angst. I throw that negative thought away. I don't even need validation from the other person if I can see this situational attribution. Most differences and conflicts can be solved in this way. It is my way to return to peace as quickly as possible.

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Throwing that negative thought away, helps me to flow like water through, over and around obstacles. I don't perseverate on destructive thoughts any longer. I refuse to devote my fertile mind on things that are not supportive or constructive. 

When we get defensive, we actually disconnect the higher regions of our brain. Hyper-vigilance prevents us from staying connected, growing or learning. Unless we are in grave peril, the prevalent version of social defensiveness does not serve us at all. We are more susceptible to danger when we are separated from other people, safety wise and with physical health.

Going through this Human Services educational program has opened my eyes to techniques that will enable me to minister to people while keeping a soft heart. The only reason why I would look at someone's weakness is to see where I can help lift them up. It is something that I will be ethically and legally held to. How about morally?

I am no expert on anything outside of being "me." I am up front about my student status. I've learned from the school of hard knocks as well as the school of higher education. I've stared my biggest skeletons in the face and retired their influence on my life.  I've decided to love people rather than dangle their shortcomings in their face. I know that I and the people I love are not done upgrading. I am a future focused person and I see people as who they would like to be. 
My greatest professional influences of the present are:
  1. Dr. Bruce Perry - Neuro-sequential Therapy
  2. Dr. Debi Grebenik - Trauma Training Institute
  3. University of Phoenix - Human Services Program
  4. Prayer Mentors
  5. Dr. Mercola - Health
  6. Jimmy Evans - Marriage Today Ministries
My favorite media past and present:
  1. Bones
  2. Fringe
  3. Supernatural
  4. Sullivan and Sons
  5. Alphas 
  6. CSI- Las Vegas
  7. Documentaries

Graphic Embellishment:
If you watch my whole update video and read through my entire post, you are my top supporter. Thank you for staying with me in this post. Did you like my last, lighter post on Rory Story Cubes? If you read through this whole post, I appreciate your solid support. Thank you for reading~ Many blessings to you~ Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. =)


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