In Your Language

Monday, June 16, 2014

Kick the Blaming Habit in 5 Steps

1. Bless the Other Person
Just because you are at odds doesn't mean you need to curse the other person. Unless this is the last time you're planning on seeing them...
2. Love in Return for Wrongdoing
Love in this situation reflects more about you as a person than what the other person deserves.
3. Accept the Person as They Are (Imperfect)
When we acknowledge that all people are imperfect, there is less need to alienate each other for being human. If we wait to accept people when they are perfect, it will be a futile waste of patience. 

4. Mend the Condition of the Relationship
Where blaming tends to harm the condition of the relationship, we can purpose to do the opposite. Mending adds to the strength of relationships.

5. Elevate the Other Person
It is hard to be harsh to someone we elevate in value. It would also elevate the standards of the relationship.  

Blaming is such a toxic additive to a relationship. When it becomes a habit, it breaks down the integrity of the bond. It is connected to the abhorred theme of judging others. Knowing where I came from, I can be at risk for deploying blaming tactics. Actually, I learned a while back that blaming arrests any personal growth that I hoped to make in my future. It was one of the habits I kicked, other than smoking, that helped me improve my life and my relationships (within my power). 

I could say well I was abandoned as a child; my parents didn't love me enough; getting into an Ivy League University wasn't enough to gain acceptance; being sexually abused gives me the right to hate men, being a victim of domestic violence lets me blame that one husband; being the secret child is my go to excuse; being married to a callous alcoholic made me; getting hit by a car scarred me; the horrible car accident made me give up the physical job I had as a single mother... You get my idea. [All of those things are true about my life.]
Still, I choose not to blame. I have to make that choice every single day. It's a difficult one because there are many parts of my life that could justify my negativity toward life. But then, I think that life is a gift, people are a gift to each other, every moment is precious and blame only takes away from those things. So- I released it.

Maybe it's Tao, Zen or whatever else you call it. But as much as I let on that blaming is a relationship thing, it mostly has to do with the relationship with myself and my life. And despite all of the crud, I am still thankful for the many blessings in my life. I'm thankful for you reading this right now. Thank you.

Thank you for reading! Is there anything that you'd like to add? I'm not a fan of one sided conversations. =) Blessings to you~


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