In Your Language

Sunday, May 5, 2013

A common pain

I watched a Youtube video about an adopted female who had a very troubling childhood. It had nothing to do with her parents (praise God), but everything to do with a cold world and people who were too busy assuming things were "normal." She never "asked" for help, though her anger TRIED to speak volumes. She said many lies, to tempt others to get her to tell her ugly truth. She gave away her body, the same way her abusers did. She abandoned her self worth, the same way her abandonment had taught her so long ago.

Some people will try to group these "problems" as coming with the adoption, or a "normal" growing up story. But how did we get so insensitive to other people's pain and nurse our own? What happened to survivors ushering/mentoring younger ones through similar storms. What if YOUR pain was God's call to help someone like this precious grown lady?

She was left to conclude that this is what GOD meant her life to be from the way her earthly biological parents started this snowball of pain. And then when her adoptive parents couldn't know her heart to see her signals crying out for help- she, like many of us, felt very alone.  Nothing feels worse that being around people yet feeling totally alone.

She said she was bullied so bad in her teens that people would follow her to her door screaming at her and swearing at her, they vandalized her house and knocked the mailbox off the post. I thought I had it rough, but honestly this girl experienced social trauma to a greater extent that I have. I just don't understand how people can justify being so evil as to torment someone to the point they wanted to die.

The irony of the situation- where her biological mother's life fell apart at her birth- it was her own teen pregnancy that saved her from her destructive path. God gave her the gift of a baby girl to ground her to earth and the real sense of family. And with this impetus, she was able to break the wall down with her adoptive mother.

Ironically again, it was with the birth of her second child, that she and her parents patched up a misunderstanding that was at the heart of their relational chasm. She was lied to and believed that her parents knew about her sexual abuse but since her parents never ministered to that pain with her, she was so angry at their lack of concern. It turned out that her parents were not aware of that and they felt so regretful for not being able to help her through that back in the day and they totally understood her emotional storms in this enlightening yet horrible context.

And, this is where my adoptee pride comes in. Give an adoptee anything, and they will make it gold- at least to them. But they just might make the world better. They just might help us appreciate things we take for granted. They just might be the kind of forgiving people who can bring you into a relationship that surpasses the bounds of DNA. Give them a baby- and they WILL parent to the glory of God (whether they believe in him or not).

This also reminds me of another girl in Australian, another adoptee who became a teenage mother... and to see the powerful transformation happen in her... in them... just gave me such hope. Thank God for adoptees!

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