In Your Language

Friday, July 11, 2014

Equal Opportunity Pain

I no longer think that abandonment is an orphaned person's plight.

But, now I see that there is an epidemic of abandonment.

 Children abandoned by one parent

There are generations of people who were abandoned by one of their parents due to divorce and remarriage. In olden days, blended families were not as common. In other cultures, blended families are unheard of and many parents have severed their relationships with children from previous marriages. Abandonment of one parent is as painful as abandonment from both.

Children of Divorces with Sole Custody

Some individuals have court ordered parental abandonment. This is many times in the best interest of the child. But the circumstances are not understood or internalized in a healthy way by a lot of children. Then again, could any child be able to negotiate how it is better not to see a parent?

Children Living with Emotional Abandonment

I think that one of the most painful experience in life is to be with someone but to be denied relational gratification. It is not healthy for parents to look at their children "person needs" (emotional needs) as nuisances. If parents don't give their children the affirmation, they will seek it in less healthy places. 

Children Living with Parents Enmeshed with Addictions 

Usually addictions take center stage. That is why they are often unhealthy, especially at the expense of a developing and valuable child (all of them). Sadly, the children will seek marriage partners that treat them the same way in adulthood. I just wonder if the alcoholic parent hopes the child will marry another alcoholic person.

Dare to not compare...

Me in 1986 with my Social Worker
I never had a hard time accepting my adoptive parents as my parents or family. I was thankful to have parents. I had a spirit that strived to make the best of my life.

I rarely mentally dwelled on my abandonment but experienced intense separation anxiety. Who could blame me for that? I was more stuck on the theme: "Now that I'm adopted, who am I?"

Still, some part of me felt like I had the territory on abandonment as an orphaned-adopted child. I think many adopted people probably share this thought. For me, it was not petty or jealous. It was just matter of fact.

Recently, I had a discussion with an older adult who started talking about being abandoned by her father at the young age of 7. Perceived or physical abandonment at any age is devastating. My mind collided with the idea that adoptees are not the only people who have experienced abandonment.

In that realization, I envisioned that I could touch many more people in my future career based on our shared history of abandonment. I felt more connected to more people. Although it was a sobering thought, I felt like my emotional burden was lighter. My purpose expanded! =D 

Inspiration Flows Where Your Will Goes

Ignore the saying "Hurt people hurt people."
I'll use my healed pain...
to help other people thrive.

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