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| According2Meredith: 9/25/13 |
My first Mother's Day with the Little Man...
My husband was afraid that I was not going to love him because he wasn't a girl...
And now he has been proven wrong in the best way. =)
This is going to sound terrible, but I know many of you step-parents can relate, that having an "ours" child makes the holidays feel more "normal." There is no awkwardness between the parents and their child together, especially around holidays.
To my stepson, I feel guilty that he didn't have his mother to celebrate "Mother's Day" with. Then, my daughter also has another mother, that couldn't be included (her stepmother). All holidays seem incomplete (without the "other parent") except for when the "ours child" comes along.
All of the sudden there is a sense of normalcy. We don't have to explain: "Yes, I'm the stepmother" or "I'm the stepfather." There are no qualifiers needed in concern to our baby, Gabriel. He is OUR baby and THEIR brother. It's as if the other details don't matter anymore. We are sealed and bonded by Gabriel. We all have equal ownership of him and it feels comfortable and wonderful.
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It is such a gift to be a mother this time around in the selfish sense. It is the first time, I feel like my husband cares about our child as much as me. I really feel like we're both in this, and with that knowledge, I can endure anything. There is no "parenting plan" other than ongoing communication. There is no "custodial arrangement" other than shared and at the same address. It's as uncomplicated as we have to deal with in this blended family.
Gabriel is our "If all else fails, we've done right by him" child. He is our one child who does not understand the pain of divorce; and we plan on keeping it that way. I have come to accept myself thus: as long as my "last effort" is a success, I can forgive myself of my failures. In this way, I can be okay with being, plainly put~ human.
Gabriel is special to me in the sense that my own relationship with my mothers are so complicated. He gives me the inspiration to do the mother relationship right in some capacity. I vow not to be a total failure, with God helping me. He is God's gift to me, that my life might not end in failure but with a victory.
Gabriel's name means "Strong Man of God" in Hebrew. I want to believe that he is part of my life as evidence of God strengthening me for this ever meaningful and worthwhile calling of motherhood. The fact that I shrugged off my original fears of motherhood because of my adoption history speaks to my desire to parent to the Glory of God. I will break the curse of relinquishment in my family. It stops with me.
Mother's Day reminds me of the utter happiness I felt when my first child was born. I felt as though I broke the chains of my past burdens. So yes, motherhood and Mother's Day reminds me of a small victory in this messy journey called life. God bless all of you mothers and future mothers.
Thank you for reading my personal reflections on Mother's Day. Did you have any reservations to becoming a parent like me? Care to share in the comments below? Thank you!
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