I saw the pained, impassioned look on my husband's face. He already worked a normal 40 hour work week plus his National Guard duty for our Country. I figured that he had done enough-- in my eyes. On his one day off, despite his tiredness, he put up a dog fence. It didn't stop here. He wanted to do landscaping (moving rocks, pulling out bushes, replacing bushes, putting landscaping cover down, putting rocks back). He said that so much was going wrong (in my mind nothing had gone wrong) that he just needed to accomplish more things so he could feel better about himself.
At the end of the day, he did about half the landscaping job done and he was finally content with his work, physical pain and fatigue. I watched him work in anguish and was at a loss at how all of that could land him at feeling mentally good while his body was overly spent. Somehow his work drive numbs the pain of perceived failures and disappointments. I wish I had that ability.
I couldn't help but think about many more people who operate with this attitude. How much does it take to feel okay? I always feel that way, that I never do enough. And even when I do accomplish more, I still think of even more I need or should do. I have accepted the fact that there will never be a day in my life where everything "will be done."
Which brings me to the Lords Prayer:
Thy will be done. On Earth as it is in Heaven.
When I think of just doing...without the qualifier of "enough" I tend to do things for their intrinsic value. I don't fear that God will keep raising that landscaping bar higher and higher. He just wants me to do what I can with the tools I have and his strength behind me.
Just so you know- I didn't let him landscape alone. Not because I wanted to or like it, but because I don't think it's his yoke to carry alone. I don't think God sees us sharing each others yokes the way he envisioned for us.
It's not that I think that this is a religious matter; more of a matter of needing help. We could all get a lot more done if we took up each others yoke. Not even for teamwork where everyone has the same goal. Dare to do something that gleans no benefit to yourself. It's part of having a servant spirit. It's also nice to see our loved ones be at peace with life.
Thank you for reading! Sorry for the brief hiatus as I am wrapping up my spring semester for college.
Is there anything you do for your honey that you do only because they need the help? Care to share? Or is this a matter of depression?