Dear Step Families

Combat your Prejudice

The area of blended families is the last frontier of socially sanctioned prejudice. There are activist groups for most sub-populations of Americans. The one population who gets the most legal and social prejudice is step-parents and step-families. I think this is the most insidious place for discrimination. If I write this post within my intentions, I will insult you little and motivate you to do better.

If it is okay to discriminate at home, then how easy does that make it to do it elsewhere? On top of that, we are basically modeling to our children that we CAN and SHOULD prejudice people who are not genetically related to us. Ok, to put that in perspective: how much of the global population to you claim as your genetic family? 

It's not just that step-parents succumb to prejudice, so do the children. But, I'm talking to adults and adults are the ones who need to be the "bigger people." I get it. You were a stepchild once and your stepmother mistreated you. And then, low and behold, you find yourself married to a person who has kids from a previous marriage.

The visceral reaction is to play out those unhealthy dynamics with an INNOCENT child. Your feelings and memories are valid. But they are not valid in this new environment. Don't get me wrong, every one has their pain and needs grace. But, for the love of your spouse, this largely innocent child, and the future of the marriage that holds together your present family, keep your past in your past.

In Good Times and In Bad Times

You don’t need a perfect Marriage.

My marriage is not perfect. But it is at the stage where I feel like other people would want what we have. And in all honesty, that feels—AMAZING. It’s the quality of marriage that I don’t want to put in jeopardy. I am protecting it so it can protect me during life’s storms. It’s not a matter  of if they come, but a matter of when they come.

Harmony of Past and Present

In Foster Care Aug '84

My Adoptee Journey Destination: Wholeness

Most of my life, I thought that the only way I could be "okay" with life was if I could rewrite it. The static nature of my past was all to disheartening and condemning to me. It was easier to stop looking back. But then, life kept repeating itself. The past I was avoiding kept on appearing in my present.

It wasn't until I embraced God's call to repent of my ways, that I could look at my past and improve myself. God told me it doesn't matter where I came from (time/history perspective) but where I am now, in contrast. But ultimately, my destiny as a Believer is Heaven. Heaven is the antithesis of my previous life before I became "born again."

My first birth was less than dignified. Without holding on to blame, I can only understand it as the convergence of dismal circumstances with the culture in which I was born. But, my God given desires have always pointed me back to my family of origin. (Not to the exclusivity of my adoptive family, but to have a comfortable duplicity in my life.) 

I know God was trying to orchestrate something big in my life. He juggled the circumstances along with my sometimes unthinkable actions. But that matrix of his Loving Hand and my limited wisdom has brought me to a time where, I have total confidence in what he has in store for me, for my family and for the world. 

Be the Boss of your Stress

Don't let Stress call the shots~

My better half asked what changed about me. Why can I handle this stressful phase in our life? My fundamental answer was that I decided that it was no longer going to have power over me. Of course, I acknowledge that I cannot control when stressful events happen. I accept that stress is something my body will acknowledge. It is what I do with it that makes it sabotage my days and my peace.

Get Help Where Help is Due

1. I bought a natural supplement to help my body detox from cortisol
   

Mind Hack for Happiness

You can be HAPPY without Fail.

My Balancing Act

This blog is my selfish labor of love. 

It steals from the other areas of my life. I have a serious college career I need to go all in on. Most importantly, I have a 1 year old that needs all of the time I can give him until the crucial developmental age of three years old. I want to give him as much attention as I can since I am so blessed to be able to stay home with him until I finish my schooling.

With my daughter, I went to part-time work at nine months. By thirteen months, I took on a full time position at the company and became a single mother. I spent as much time as I could with my daughter, but I still felt like someone else was raising her and seeing her firsts. 

She was a late potty trainer and late talker. To be honest, I was very concerned. It wasn't until I quit my job when she was 3.5 years old that she made a turn around. She quit diapers and started talking within a week. It was miraculous. I wasn't even a perfect mother, and yet, it was ME that she needed.

So now, I have a new chance to relish my son's firsts. I don't have to miss a thing. I learned that child development and brain development thrives off of strong and loving attachments (relationships) with the parents. I am a healthier person than I was 10 years ago. I'm wiser. I want to capitalize on my life experiences, budding wisdom and the books I internalized.

I'm struggling to do everything (blogging, schooling, parenting, wife-dom) well (as if I ever did). But, I have to confront it and recognize that since I'm not making money off this endeavor, that I will have to ease off on the time and effort I pour into it. 

I'm going to catch up on my comments because that is one of my pet peeves about leaving comments on other posts that are never responded to. (How else are people going to reciprocate for the shares?) I want to back off with my blog register "balanced." 

I will continue writing one post a week if I have the time. I appreciate the support thus far. Everything I've done with this blog has been worthwhile. But I am one of millions. Whereas, at home, I am the only mother, the only wife to "show up." I might have more time to write more posts while my husband deploys next year. But even then, I will be the only parent to make things happen.

If you are still mouse hungry, check out my links in the right sidebar. I had another blog http://frugaldoesabodygood.blogspot.com. You can see my archives in the interim. 

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Do the invaluable. Make ripples. Stand for something. Stand out. Sing. Write. Don't just vent, connect. =) 

Best wishes to you.

For Any Private Comments: E-mail link

Equal Opportunity Pain

I no longer think that abandonment is an orphaned person's plight.

But, now I see that there is an epidemic of abandonment.

According2Meredith.blogspot.com

 Children abandoned by one parent

There are generations of people who were abandoned by one of their parents due to divorce and remarriage. In olden days, blended families were not as common. In other cultures, blended families are unheard of and many parents have severed their relationships with children from previous marriages. Abandonment of one parent is as painful as abandonment from both.

Children of Divorces with Sole Custody

Some individuals have court ordered parental abandonment. This is many times in the best interest of the child. But the circumstances are not understood or internalized in a healthy way by a lot of children. Then again, could any child be able to negotiate how it is better not to see a parent?
 

Children Living with Emotional Abandonment

I think that one of the most painful experience in life is to be with someone but to be denied relational gratification. It is not healthy for parents to look at their children "person needs" (emotional needs) as nuisances. If parents don't give their children the affirmation, they will seek it in less healthy places. 

Children Living with Parents Enmeshed with Addictions 

Usually addictions take center stage. That is why they are often unhealthy, especially at the expense of a developing and valuable child (all of them). Sadly, the children will seek marriage partners that treat them the same way in adulthood. I just wonder if the alcoholic parent hopes the child will marry another alcoholic person.

A Plan, not Plan A

Perhaps, I give up to easily (at least compared to my husband). He will spend hours hell-bent on going or accomplishing what he set out to do. That being said, his frustration threshold is considerably lower than mine. It takes more to make me throw in the towel than him from situation to situation. 

  

I was noticing that there were some things that seemed to ruin our plans that turned out to work out probably better than the way we had envisioned it. I have learned to make inconveniences (to my plan) into opportunities for growth in unselfish ways.

God Twerk

Clash of Cultures

Put a frame around it

"How you frame what you say is everything."

~Rina Wallace, Professor, Univ. of Phoenix 

 

True story. I made a post on a discussion in my human services module and my professor said to me the above quote. She also said that I shouldn't have to hold back in my contribution to the discussion. The only thing she warned me about was something that would be useful to my future in the human services realm.

 

Other words that come to mind about the quotation:

According2Meredith.blogspot.com

Those are the things that I left of out my post that made it seem very dry and incomplete. Funny enough, I've had this prompt in the Blogger "draft" category for weeks and now life has jabbed me in the ribs to go on and do it! 


My Claims to Frame: 

Christian, wife, adopted, mother, deep thinker, analyzer, non-confrontational,
"devil's advocate" for the sake of conversation

for starters...

Married to a Godly Atheist

I married a

What do I consider a "Godly Atheist"?

A person who acts loving and righteously (as humanly possible) without labeling themselves as a Christian or believing in G*D.

How is that possible? They are two opposite things, right?

Not necessarily. If God is love and teaches believers to act righteously and an atheist is loving and strives to be righteous, then they are not incompatible

Atheists and Theists can co-exist and 

they can learn from each other.

Photo Credit: http://www.immi.gov.au

 Atheists can teach Theists...  

• How to stand convicted in our propensity for judging others.
• How to give without bragging.
• How to be okay with people who disagree. 

Theists can teach Atheists...

• How to forgive themselves and others
• How to value themselves outside of their status and "works."
• How to connect with a larger purpose, for G*D or otherwise.
• That they are also the hands and feet of G*D
• They are loved by G*D whether or not they believe in him.

 

Being Married to a Godly Atheist...

Flawed Femme

Based on a the video featuring Nancy Thomas, adoptive mother to 9 children. http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/adoption-reactive-attachment-disorder-rad-kid/52e299e678c90a08d00002bf

My dog Bella: Jan. 29, 2012

 What do soft eyes look like?

I watched the video that I linked to above. "Soft eyes" really spoke to me. It was convicting because I've been told I have an angry expression most times, even if I don't feel angry inside. There is a YouTube-er called "clothesencounters" who said she smiles a lot because otherwise she has a bitch face. LOL, I guess I must be her sister. [sigh]

It's never enough

By the world's standard, I will never do enough.

~~~~~

I saw the pained, impassioned look on my husband's face. He already worked a normal 40 hour work week plus his National Guard duty for our Country. I figured that he had done enough-- in my eyes. On his one day off, despite his tiredness, he put up a dog fence. It didn't stop here. He wanted to do landscaping (moving rocks, pulling out bushes, replacing bushes, putting landscaping cover down, putting rocks back). He said that so much was going wrong (in my mind nothing had gone wrong) that he just needed to accomplish more things so he could feel better about himself.

At the end of the day, he did about half the landscaping job done and he was finally content with his work, physical pain and fatigue. I watched him work in anguish and was at a loss at how all of that could land him at feeling mentally good while his body was overly spent. Somehow his work drive numbs the pain of perceived failures and disappointments. I wish I had that ability.

Are you an Enforcer?

Video response to comments on: 

http://according2meredith.blogspot.com/2014/04/wheres-proof.html

en·force  (ĕn-fôrs′, -fōrs′)tr.v. en·forced, en·forc·ing, en·forc·es

1. To compel observance of or obedience to: enforce a law.

2. To impose (a kind of behavior, for example): enforce military discipline.

3. To give force to; reinforce:

Source: freedictionary.com

I give credit to Pastor Jimmy Evans with helping me see areas in my life where I had to allow God to take over the situation and shape me to be the person he designed me to be. God cannot operate in our lives if we are the enforcers. Innocently, well-meaning enough, I used to be an enforcer.

It got me no-where fast. As much as what I stood for was right and honorable, I was going about it the wrong way. The biggest clue that I was going about it the wrong way was the responses I got. God never backed me up when I was the enforcer. God was shaking his head in disapproval every time I was trying to compel a situation. There was no amount of praying that would compel God to back me up in my wrong pattern.

I finally got it through my thick skull to step back. It was hard to do nothing; especially when I felt so strongly about what I had been doing. I felt it to my core that I was doing right. I was even willing to take heat for what I thought was helping the situation.

But once I backed off, God honored my obedience and he stepped in. He brought professionals into our life and circle of influence that echoed what I had been enforcing. Once my husband heard a similar tune on a different channel, he was able to see the merit in the message and not let my ungodliness get in the way.

Now that God is the enforcer, my husband sees me in the correct light: as a person who had keen intuition and loving interest. He takes the advice of the professionals and is now doing what I used to do. Except this time, we're doing it together. We are in full agreement. It feels great. I know we're going to come out on top because we're fighting the good fight!

Thank you for reading through to the end. Extra props to you if you watched my video! I felt lead to share a personal part of my life since a bunch of you shared your prayers. Do you have anything to add to my video or post? Any more Prayers? Please comment below. 

If you think this post would bless anyone else, please share. 

You are the best! 

Running out of Envy

Im starting to like my side of the fence... Relational Lawn | Create Infographics

What do you do to "water your own lawn"?  Please comment below and share!

Many blessings to you! 

Limiting words destroy potential

Image Credit: www.mdi.org

Some of the most well meaning people say negative things about others. Some of the phrases imply grace, understanding, excuses for said person. Though many of these instances have no lingering affects; many people are exposed to damaging thoughts that they internalize and own for themselves whether or not they are true.

I've heard my mother say that I was beyond help in writing in English. Although I could conceptualize that she was frustrated at not knowing how to help me, I still clung to the idea that my writing was not good enough and would never improve. What she said was enough for me to write but only in private as if my words were a source of shame. Perhaps that is a reason why I am writing out in the open now and actively promoting my blog. I have a voice and a perspective that has the same validity as anyone else.

I heard a father say while looking at homework that was assigned to his son "Oh that's way over his head. How do they expect him to be able to do that?" The child was in earshot and not surprisingly, the child did not take well to any attempt of the father to help him with the particular assignment. I've heard people say "X simply can't Y." And, where I could agree that person X may have a hard time with Y, but that is a far cry from not being able to do Y. And wouldn't you know, X does not attempt to do Y.

Before I sound really crude and judgmental, let me give you some amazing examples of people who could have been content at not challenging their abilities. Ultimately, they didn't let others decide for them what they were able to do. I saw a young girl, a daughter of a friend of mine, train for and get her Black Belt while going through chemotherapy. I had a co-worker who's daughter has cerebral palsy go to airline school and be at the top of her class. I know another mommy blogger who's son is doing amazing things for the Kingdom of God despite the fact that he was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and other challenges.

I don't think there is anything a person can't do without some support. If you turn a challenge into a team goal, tackling it together could be a huge relationship builder. We are made to test our abilities, to challenge ourselves and the world around us, and to learn from those experiences along the way. We should not relegate ourselves to the limiting things other people have bestowed upon our ears. If ever we should play deaf, it is at those times when others doubt us. 

I think we should lovingly challenge all of the doubts people have in us- even our own doubts in ourselves. We were born to want to know what is inside the cabinet, to crawl through that doorway, to climb to higher ground to see the world through new vantage points. No one has to urge a baby to learn to walk. But we can discourage that instinct and drive. But ultimately, we simply should not limit others on things that have not been pursued. We cannot reasonably say we're awful singers if we never learned how to do it correctly; or say we are bad cooks before we've learned the ropes.

So, like the leading image suggests, please stop saying those limiting things to yourself and others. You'd be amazed and how much you/they could prove you wrong. If anything, I urge you to come along beside them in the pursuit of their goal. Suspend your judgement and just experience life unencumbered by predictions. We all have faulty abilities of foretelling the future. Let it be a glorious surprise.

Recently, I've taken on aquaponics as a new challenge. What have you started to do that you've never done before? How is that going? Please share in the comments below! Thank you for reading.

Now that you know, what will you do?

Image Credit: http://photos4.meetupstatic.com

Imagine a situation where you simply cannot "know" 

the world around you.

Plato's Allegory of the Man in the Cave is a hypothetical story of such a situation. To summarize the situation: a man is held captive in a cave with his hands tied such that he cannot turn around. He is facing the wall of a cave and a fire (source of light) is behind him in-between him and the activity of his captors. The captive can only see the shadows and distorted images of what is going on on the other side of the fire and has no knowledge what is going on outside of the cave.

Now, imagine that you are that captive but now you are allowed to turn around and leave the cave. How does that feel? At first you may experience relief. But what if that cave is all you know? What if you drew conclusions about life in the cave based off of the shadows that weren't in line with what really produced the shadows? Would you happily change your mind? Would you change your mind at all?

Now, imagine that you have an unknown world open to you (finally!) outside the cave. Do you burst out of the cave with zeal? You don't even know where the cave is in respect to the rest of the world... in respect to anything. Wow- that must feel overwhelming, daunting and perhaps scary. Maybe you even have a small voice in your mind entertaining the wish that you had remained bound and involuntarily "ignorant" of the world around you?

That is the dilemma about learning and maturing. Things that were once acceptable may no longer be acceptable for seemingly enigmatic  reasons. Is it your obligation to change? Is growing a natural process? Are excuses valid enough to turn away from such  revelation?  Is the unknown necessarily worse than the known?

Learning is a way of communicating with the universe-- something bigger than and outside of yourself. And yet, it pressures you to change or choose denial.What if you don't want anymore responsibility? What if what you learned makes life less fun and more serious? What then? 

I assume that the more change a lesson imposes on someone's life, the more resistant that person would be to changing-- to be in harmony with what we learned. What if this lesson is the foundation for future lessons? Can we go back years from now and in our own timing switch gears? 

Then ask yourself this: Do I want to become an enlightened version of myself? If you feel cognitive dissonance inside yourself, I urge you to take the personal leap to embrace the current lesson. Currently, I have the most confidence in the choices I would have never chosen ten years ago, or if it is uncharted territory.

How different are you from ten years ago? Please share in your comment below. 

Thank you for indulging my thoughts today. Many blessings to you~

#growingpains #transformation #lifelessons #maturingacrosstheages

Don't call it a failure until you have given it your all.

 Photo Credit: http://www.luckyrichlife.com

I don't know if it's because I'm Taurus cusp of Gemini, but I have a history of giving up before I ever really tried. On top of that, I labeled myself as a failure in those things-- never to try again. The funny thing was, I never gave up on bad habits as easily as I did on things that related to my feeling of self worth. I smoked for years knowing it was bad for me, but I didn't feel bad about being a smoker so I continued to do it. I used to do things that were immature, but those things were hard to shake because I thought they were common.

Worthwhile things I gave up on:

1. Relationships
2. Education
3. Chasing my dreams
4. My inner potential 

Things I wouldn't give up:

1. Smoking
2. Coffee
3. Obsessing over the past
4. Feelings of being wronged by the world 

It was those wrong thoughts that I had to face before I could become the growing person I am today. Other than remaining a coffee enthusiast, I have repented of the other seven points. I have changed my mind about what it takes to succeed in those various areas (a lot more than I was willing to do originally). I had to work on ME before the things that involving the outside world could work well. There was no point in chasing my dreams as the old version of me. There was no point in chasing my dreams if I wasn't prepared to give it my all. There was no point to getting remarried if I was not going to devote my last energy to making it work for the long haul. 

I had to acquire new behavioral response to life's normal challenges. By doing that, I decided that I was able to do things that I had not been able to do when I was younger. I am no longer that baby (in the leading photo). I am a woman who knows how to put her weight into the task and hang on for dear life. I had to be willing to get dirty and get bruised for the RIGHT reasons.

It's no surprise that now I'm finally reaping good fruits in my life. My marriage was one of the most important challenges that I set out to master. Knowing that I have a lack of and need for family, I could not realistically pursue my education and dreams without support. So- the marriage had to be number one. And like I shared in the earlier post: I was finally convinced that I was loved, things have finally clicked in the relationship area.

I am no longer haunted by my past. I've used the hindsight for insight. I've opened my eyes to how much hurt there is in the world that I was spared. Quitting smoking let me chase everything- not just my dreams. All that is left is to continue on this path of transformation and reach my inner potential. In psychological terms, it's called "actualization."

I was never a fan of aging. But now that I actually enjoy life relatively unencumbered, I wish that I wouldn't have resisted it. I've never felt more blessed in my whole life despite my  physical weathering. So be it- it's a small cost for being a success in the making.

Thank you for reading. Any pearls of wisdom you want to add? Comment below. =)


Keep tabs on me because I will keep adding content often.  =) Blessings~





 

The blessing of self care FOR the good of the masses.

  

Photo Credit:  http://f.fwallpapers.com/images/peaceful-hammock-near-stream-colorado.jpg

Self-denying doesn't help anyone...

The only reason why I came to this conclusion is because I, Meredith, was a former self denying person. Come on- I have it in-grained in me due to being adopted. The less impact I can make in a space (size, attention, financially, involvement) the better as my former self. Receiving anything was quite uncomfortable to me as I felt like a charity case or unworthy. No one smacked me up the side the head like they should have.

Since I never got the rude awakening of a slap, it occurred to my by accident. You could say, perhaps, that I'm a slow person. I'm slow to change my habits as I thrive on routine. But anyhow- recently I took on a new hobby of aquaponics and fish keeping. It is small scale, but it is very grounding to me. I also devoted more time to this blog in writing and in concept. I've taken up piano again- my old best friend. Fortunately for me,  (by the help of the most amazing husband in the world) I was able to get some alone time. I was given the space and opportunity to "check out" so I could "check back in" that much stronger.

I noticed that as I spent more time nurturing myself creatively, that I was much more productive and resilient. I enjoyed my family more. I'd venture to say that my husband has even seen a difference in me; and I think he likes the energized me much better than when I was overly self-denying. I never realized how much denying myself was putting everyone else on edge despite the fact that I thought I was being a better wife and mother by doing so.

 I've been in a creative mode for I'd say most of March. And I've never felt so fulfilled. I used to discount myself creatively speaking to where I rarely did anything fun or relaxing. I'd even say I have the energy to try to be witty. Yeah- with a baby, that IS saying something. Perhaps everyone else started to respect me more because I was treating myself better. Go figure- we are the examples to others of how to be treated by the way we treat ourselves.

I have a dear long time friend who is stuck in a cycle of beating himself up. Sadly, he was in a marriage where this behavior enabled the emotional and physical abuse by his wife. Of course this is an extreme example, but at what point are we going to smarten up to this concept? How much of the oppression is done TO US and how much of it are we ENABLING?

So that is my question to you. I'm not calling you to arms. But I am challenging you to nurture yourself and see how your experience of your life changes... how the people around you change their interactions with you. It does matter. There are certain things that only we can do for ourselves. The rest, Almighty God can handle. 

The truth speaks for itself: self care blesses those around you. Do something every day for a little while that helps you connect with the essence of who you are. God wants us to love ourselves as well as others. We can only give love from the overflow of love we have for ourselves and from the Lord Above. Loving yourself won't solve your problems but it will make your life meaningful.

Self care creates an overflow of care that we can use to bless our family and friends. Care to join me? How do you nurture yourself? Please comment below. Blessings to you~

How accomodating should we be? [educationally speaking]

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act

 

 Image source: http://www.gscdn.org/library/cms/15/18015.jpg

Originally, you probably clicked on this article thinking that I was talking about social graces, but hopefully by the image above you'll understand my frame of reference for "accomodations." I.D.E.A. is a law that outlines ideological ways of providing education and a classroom that will help kids with a wide range of "disabilities" to be as close to grade level as possible. Much of that education is sought through identifying disabilities, writing up an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that includes accommodations and modifications that are appropriate for each student. 

Many IEPs account for Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy during the school day. Accomodations might be like "student has no time restriction to complete test" or "test can be read aloud to student" whereas modifications would be to reduce work or change the work from being rote (writing) to pictoral (visual). Many times these legal statements in the IEP are enough to hoist children to their educational potential. Hurray for the goal.

Wait, what does this have to do with you, Meredith?

I am not an IDEA specialist or licensed teacher. But special education has been a part of my life at different junctures of my life, and since 2010. Being adopted from Korea at four and a half, I had challenges learning English. I also had trouble pronouncing English words and so I was put in Speech Therapy. If you listen to my videos you will notice that the "speech pathologist" (as if I had something "wrong" with my Korean accent to begin with) erased all evidence of my first language. 

When I moved to Colorado upon marrying a teacher, I got a job at the school he taught at in the Special Education Department as a paraprofessional. Despite the fact that I lacked licensure, I was the frontline person who help the high schoolers navigate their lessons for Mathematics and Sciences. Many of these kids were pushed on me to do the teaching and I gladly did it. 

Paraprofessionals are also supplied for special education students through IDEA. I was supposed to learn all of the IEPs but I had not input into them. That was a faulty system inofitself. I absolutely loved my job with the teenagers. They blew me away. I got to know them as people, I asked them how they were doing. In many ways, I was the only one they could talk to about their frustrations and sometimes I was the first food they had all day (I would share my snacks).

I also spent some time as a "one on one paraprofessional" with an autistic young man. He was in the band and a good student.  He was highly sensitive to sensory stimulation and had a history of streaking in the hallways. Once his medication was tweaked, he no longer had the compulsion to do so. I was in awe of his different reality. I wondered what went on in his mind.

Then when I divorced, I got a job at a martial arts school. I participated in facilitating many classes that included special needs children. I saw kids with Tourettes and Autism grow with this sort of physical, regulating therapy. One woman I got in touch with from Focus on the Family specializes in regulatory therapy for attachment challenged children who suffered much trauma. She confirmed with me that jumping had a great regulatory function that resets the brain for optimal functioning. You can find her here.

And now, I have a son who has a learning disability but much potential. I live day in and day out with challenging myself to think outside the box and how to tailor our home to the needs of my very unique children. I think back to his experience with a one-on-one para who did a dis-service to him by doing his work FOR him. He has much space to cover in his academic life and it's apparent to me and the rest of his education team that his previous accommodations are not the right fit for him.

Since we've recently had a triennial IEP meeting, it's been on my mind whether or not these accommodations are actually hurting him and other students in the long run. Children with disabilities already have a longer learning curve once they age out of the IDEA system. Is it wise to build up their lives with so many accommodations that won't translate into their future life (that is hopefully independent and self sufficient and gainfully employed)?

I'm not posing the question to say anything categorically . But it doesn't hurt to reassess and reappraise situations as time goes on. I know from my own life, I had no street smarts and all book smarts. I was at a huge disadvantage once I hit college and emerged into the work place. For a person of much promise (going to an Ivy League university), I lacked the "transitional" training that would have prepared me to be on my own. My life had been so focused on education that I neglected to learn about socializing, money managing and everything else that goes into leaving childhood behind. I had so much trouble despite the fact I was a fairly gifted child.

I guess that is fallacy of our default mind to only think in the present tense. If we involved our future in our every day thoughts and decisions, perhaps we would pave smoother roads for ourselves. To no fault of my own, I went into the real world unprepared and I paid for it immensely. I know that with God's help I will do my best to prepare my own kids for living on their own. 

How do you weigh in with the accommodation dilemma? Please leave your two cents...