In Good Times and In Bad Times

You don’t need a perfect Marriage.

My marriage is not perfect. But it is at the stage where I feel like other people would want what we have. And in all honesty, that feels—AMAZING. It’s the quality of marriage that I don’t want to put in jeopardy. I am protecting it so it can protect me during life’s storms. It’s not a matter  of if they come, but a matter of when they come.

A Protected Marriage Protects

My husband and I do not just have a good marriage. We beat the odds, over and over again. The self fulfilling prophecy of beating the odds to increase our confidence in our marriage which helps us beat the odds. It is the best cycle to jump into. Build the kind of marriage you would want to shield from the “elements.”

Considering what we “brought in” to the marriage (baggage) and the inherent situation, it was but for the grace of God that we were able to pull it together. Despite the fact that we did many things right like read marriage and parenting books, go to marriage retreats, did couples counseling and take parenting classes, we wanted to know in our heart what we knew in our head (filled with those interventions).

I assume that even in my husband heart of hearts, he didn’t think he loved me as much as he should. It wasn’t until we had Gabriel that I think things finally solidified. I noticed a big change in me in the way I looked at him. I originally feared being vulnerable during pregnancy.  Fortunately, my fear was replaced by a deeper sense of belonging and intimacy together.

Our love for each other safeguarded our son’s first years and emotional safety. Gabriel’s warmth toward us made our marriage and parenting teamwork seem fruitful. I love Gabriel more because I love his father so deeply. Different from the first time around, when I felt insecure about my first marriage.

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When he endured embarrassment and the unknown in a foreign country to meet my family, he must have known, for sure, that he loves me as much as was warranted by the value of our relationship. There was no more cognitive dissonance for him. He walked the talk—and then some. He fulfilled one of my deepest dreams. He is now more than my husband, he is my dream maker.

We protected each others fears from repeating themselves. In the place of those fears is a very healthy and realistic experience of marriage and parenting. Our marriage is strong because it has endured a lot. The onslaught of circumstances have been difficult and yet easier to endure because of our marriage safety net.