I have gone through 34 years of life to realize that the "placebo effect" is so very real. It is as real as the pain that saturates our human race. We are walking around with deficits from things that were withheld from us-- searching for that placebo. Searching for the thing, the person, the ideology that will "fill us up." The kind of filling that would fill that void to the "T". The placebo would ideally be the exact amount we need to make our lives better, or to at the very least, anesthetize our pain.
We want this "placebo" to fill us up, not to purposefully use it or abuse it, but to make us whole. We have a drive to be whole. It is part of being a living thing. It is in wholeness that we imagine ourselves being the best versions of our-self; we would be smarter, more successful, more popular.
The good news is that everyone has a void.
Everyone is looking for a placebo. Every one of us has the ability to be healers to others. Even if we just woke up from blacking out drunk; even if we blew it as a friend; we all can turn around and be that placebo for another person.
I challenge you to look into someone's being to see where their voids are. I dare you to look at the ugliest parts and see what's lurking. Like the Wicked Queen of "Once Upon A Time" who can take people's hearts out of their chest and store it or destroy it, you can do the same. But, we can do it to inspect and see the places that we could, as a placebo agent, minister to that person. Do something so outrageous that you could swear it was not your "idea." And then, tenderly place that heart back inside the "patient."
One of the things that I've been (Spirit) led to do is see the tender parts of my husband. If I do this marriage thing right, I will heal him without him losing face, without shame and without judgment. But something outside of my power has outdone what I'd ever hope to do in the life and heart of my beloved husband.
Our son, Gabriel, has been doing a good work in his father. He has met him every bit of the way to forge a powerfully beautiful and strong relationship. A relationship that has Dad seeing himself as a new, upgraded version of himself. Gabriel has been that placebo of a relationship that he wishes he had with other people. I'd go as far as to say, that Gabriel does it better than I.
Without words, Gabriel can just tweak (not, twerk. But I have a post on that.) his daddy's heart and put him at ease. Just enough cooing, just enough nuzzling, just enough laughing to make Daddy feel like he's whole and solid for the rest of life's battles.
I, on the other hand, was supposed to be a grand "placebo" for my adoptive parent's void of a child. As much as I tried to fill that void,
I instead got sucked into a black hole. There was no plug at the other side of the void and so it just consumed me. And therefore, my placebo action was not sufficient. I hate to say this, but I think my parents are worse off in this life (and after life) because of my dysfunction as a placebo.
Despite that misfire, I don't hold that against myself. I never lost sight that they had a void. I never stopped caring. I never stopped trying to understand, from afar. Because where I fail, someone else and or, a bigger source than I, can fill that void. In my mind (not to change your mind), God can do "placebo action" so much better than me.
Perhaps I couldn't be the placebo to my adoptive family, because I had my own deep void. A void can't fill another void. God has no void and, therefore, fills me with overflowing sustenance. There is no void too big for Him. Perhaps, if I had used God as my source as a small child (yeah, right) I could have been enough placebo for my parents. At least my heart was in the right place.
There's a lot of flack on modern day products that have experimental placebo effects. But, their value holds true. If there is a need, if the "real thing" isn't at our disposal, I think it is our duty to provide placebos, and lots of them! I'd love for a day when people are walking placebos, healers, for one another. Hopefully, we can come to a place of peace that perhaps we can start relishing what we have in the place of what we lost.
For me, my Mighty God more than fills my Father void. Wishing you all a wonderful weekend with your family. Celebrate what our Fathers, imperfect as they are, add to our lives in a positive way. Hold onto the positive. My father shared a penchant for letter writing- like this one.
Thank you for reading this letter. I hope you rendered a personal meaning and message from it. If you have anything to add, please do so in the comment box below. I value your contribution to my blog. Blessings to you and yours~