I noticed a message in the (Other) box of Facebook,
I was astonished to see who it was from (video)...
Turns out, my old friend was contacting me after four years of estrangement. It was a welcome gift to be in relationship with someone. Despite the time we lost, we are in a better place to have a healthier relationship. I've been exposed to a new subset of people who have given me some insight on how her life must have been and now I can use it in our friendship.
Perhaps God was preparing me to be in contact with her again- so that I could see her with his eyes. I always had a softness towards her knowing she had a rough start in childhood, but now I've talked to people who have been down a similar road enough to have more sympathy for her.
The dynamics have changed in a good way. We have a different basis for our friendship now. I think God chose the right time for us to be friends again since we've grown and matured. It's a gift because I would have assumed that she was still mad at me.
I left things owning my portion of it. Our last conversation was the first conversation that I listened to someone complain about me without getting defensive. I didn't make excuses. I didn't agree with everything she said- but I honored her feelings anyway.
I was hoping that because I handled the conversation well that it would have ended better. But at least it was good enough to keep the door open for us being friends again in the future. This was such a great lesson to me. I was faithful in ending things in the right way and keeping my heart open to her.
God has brought us back together. Perhaps because now I can be better supportive to her. I can tell her that I know how it feels. I can be that open forum for her- as anyone yearns for. And it is good for our children also.
Our kids were the collateral damage of our estranged friendship. They were hurt at the loss of the friendship. They didn't know what happened. Perhaps they assumed it was their fault. To be honest, I took for granted that they cared. But they did. I saw it in my friend's oldest daughter's eyes. It was heartbreaking. I felt like I didn't just let her mother down, but that I let her down as well.
At any rate, things will be different this time. God has fashioned us into better people, with less raw wounds. I have never felt so redeemed. I've never had someone fight for me like that since I was abandoned as a child. It is my sign that God thinks that I'm on the right spiritual track.
Perhaps this is God's practice for me so that I can restore my relationship with my adoptive mother. I left it the same way. I told her that I felt pain for her; that I couldn't imagine not being able to have a child. I told her I'd take care of her when my father dies. And he died last year. I left my heart open to her so that I am ready when she is... when God is ready to do the work in restoring our relationship.
I feel like God is cheering me on in life these days and it feels awesome. I wish this for all of you. I'm not saying that my life is easy or perfect- but it feels like every experience is being used for good. This makes all of life's crap worth while.
Thank you for reading this personal post. I hope it influenced you in a hopeful and positive way. Keep me in your prayers and send me all the good karma you can spare. If you have your own story of relational redemption or advice to me on the rekindled friendship- please include that in your comments below! Blessings to you~