The God Fliter

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This is something that can really set certain believers apart from the rest of society. People who choose to experience life and make choices based off of their "God Filter" will most likely stick out like a sore thumb. Many times these people will stand alone. Many times these people will do the unpopular thing. Many times these people will see things and value things that are not perceptible to others who are not familiar with or using their heavenly filter.

When I was on the Easter Seals getaway in the Mountains, I was initially disappointed that all 5 of us were not appreciating the experience for what it was intended by us the parents. We saw this as a family building, quality time opportunity. I thought that this was what God would want me to do for my family.

But as time went on, the disappointment faded as I decided to find new value and perspective of the "why" I was there. I looked at the majestic beauty around me. I saw how perfectly the snow clung to each leafless limb effortlessly. I saw volunteers vibrating at such a positive frequency. I met people who needed to be heard... by me.

Suddenly I realized that God wanted me there not for my children and family, but to open my eyes to his beautiful and yet hurting world. One lady approached me and said she could tell I was burning for Jesus. Now to the average person, they would discount what this lady said because she is "different" and notably so. She asked me to spend time with her during our stay. I shared my snacks and let her talk.

She asked me to help her get her GED by supporting her with her math portion. She asked me-- a total stranger -- and yet through the workings of God we were not so strange to each other. She has a son who has been largely rejected by the biological father. She had pain in her eyes. I felt God telling me to focus on the parents around me and to minister to them in the moment and in whatever the future brings.

Once I realized why God put me there among all of those children and families, the fact that my children were oblivious to the amazing opportunity made it clear that my purpose for the trip was not God's purpose. I feel that God wants me/us to keep in touch and to support each other over the distance. My eyes were opened wider for the sibling of the special needs child. I saw a huge discrepancy in the energy and attention put into the children.

I felt convicted of coming up short as a parent. But that is the point. We will always come up short. Our only recourse it to continually confess, apologize and repent to each other. I hope that my vision  and hope for the siblings to thrive and to feel celebrated is also God's will. If that is true, I will  the best I can, within my influence, to bring it to pass. But I believe the call is even greater to solidify the relationships and not just elevate our "typical" children.

Now that we are back in our home environment I am content with the knowledge that we didn't make any family breakthroughs because using the "God Filter" I see that HIS purpose was fulfilled. He continues to show me that even the sick people who need ministering need to be willing to be ministered to. All I need to do is be poised for action and wait for the invitation or agreement. Even Jesus didn't heal all the people he encountered-- he only healed the ones who agreed to his influence.

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I pray that God tunes our experience filters to align with his vision for us. I pray that through this filter we can feel a sense of peace and value in ourselves and outside of ourselves. I pray that God give us the awareness of our callings and the boldness to act on it. He WILL use every situation for good- even if it is not the "good" we had in mind. I pray all of these things in his Mighty and Loving Name, Amen.

It's not enough to say your anti-abortion...

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For me, I find it hard to swallow that people could say such sweeping things as they are against abortion. I think they forget to consider the other parts of this controversial "argument." First of all, how can we separate abortion from murder? If we are against abortion-- are we FOR adoption... FOR single mothers to raise their children... for people who are unprepared to be parents to parent their unexpected bundle of upheaval?

If you are anti-abortion, are you FOR people passing along the buck and giving the responsibility over to a complete stranger? If you are anti-abortion, are you willing to help charities or the single unwed mothers in your communities? Are you going to walk the big talk? Would you put your money where your mouth is? (insert your own cliche')

Let's face it, there are plenty of people out there who have no parenting sensibilities. I'm sure you've met a few. So do you say "Hey! So glad you didn't have an abortion so you can validate being a bad parent?" Of course not. But the truth is, there are many people out there who don't do parenting justice. That's not even speaking of the parents who walk out of their kids' lives.

All of that to say, it's not even our place to project such attitudes towards other people's lives. The proof is in the pudding. If I had my influence on regulating parenthood I would target the fertility of a society. I would make potential parents (people of child bearing age) get a parenting license to screen their frame of mind and compatibility with all the demands of parenting. With regulated fertility, people might not take for granted that they have been so blessed by their children. It took me a long time to conceive-- and I don't take it for granted (though it would be easy to fall into that trap).

But let's get real. I'm never going to have that sort of influence and I was exaggerating a bit. I just wanted to bring to light that  people make their choices and live with the consequences of THEIR choices, good or bad. They don't need society giving them shoulds and shouldn'ts if society doesn't take a concerted interest (willingness to help) in those "shoulds and shouldn'ts." Just like the recent infographic circulated by pro same-sex marriage activists saying that same sex marriage hasn't harmed your (our) opposite sex marriage. The only people that an abortion harms are the pregnant woman, her unborn child and the "sperm donor" to put it crassly.

We all have our skeletons because we are miserable failures at resisting our sin nature. To judge each other and rate our sins is beside the point. We are all fallen and fallible creatures. My mistakes are not yours and you have your own lot of mistakes. At the end of the day, it's between the Creator (God in my eyes), mother, father and unborn child. We need to do less demonizing and more ministering to each other... even to the people who have decided not to parent at a certain juncture of their life.

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I pray that people extend grace and mental charity to each other. I pray that God breaks our heart for what breaks his... and for the people we so easily judge. Let's be redeemers and bringers of Light. It is never too late to repent of our sinful ways. I also pray that we would have loved ones be loving enough to not enable our sinful ways. Sinning hurts us more than the social discomfort of accountability. Most importantly, I pray that we grow a deep relationship with God (as you understand him) so that we may every day become a better version of ourselves through his strength and example.

The torture of inconsistency and some hope

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I remember always questioning my relationships due to inconsistency. Let's be real- being abandoned makes a person ever so sensitive to inconsistencies. The things and people we cannot count on bring us to that vulnerable place of horror over the idea of that separation happening all over again- different cast, so to speak.

Inconsistency tells our primal selves that life is not secure and that we cannot count on things or people. It's not even a conscious choice that we have decided not to trust. It is a primal switch that takes many repetitions for things to feel "right" again. I can honestly say that I would not wish this type of feeling on my worst enemies. Nothing is more terrifying than feeling alone in the world.

Inconsistencies have a pain attached to them connected to disconnection. Disconnection is what we are left to feel when our actions are not reciprocated. The excruciating feeling of not knowing the rules KNOWING that the "social contract" is null and void. Knowing that despite our intrinsic value and our behavior, relational rewards are withheld.

Inconsistencies lead us to turn away our hearts from each other... and on the severe end, from people in general. I have seen too many broken and hurting hearts not to write about this topic. I've felt it. In some cultures they call this a one sided torturous relationship. And if we enable and allow these types of relationships it becomes something we seek out of familiarity.

There is hope. There is a promise to grasp. There is a perfect love out there. If your heart cries due to interpersonal inconsistencies and disappointments, this Perfect Love is for all of us. This "perfect love" puts in perspective the shortcomings of any human heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says that our hearts deceive us...

Seek refuge in God. Place all of those relational longings on him so that HE may fulfill them for us. God sees us all for our eternal value. He hurts for our pain and he wants our hearts to break for what breaks his.
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After my weekend experience at the Easter Seals camp, my eyes opened to how much people are hurting. Some of the most caring people are also the most hurt. They hurt because they have neglected themselves first off. They put off their own self care needs in the hopes that their sacrifices will pay off before they accumulate a spiritual debt that will be insurmountable. Perhaps the reason why we get burnt out caring for others is that we haven't cared enough for ourselves to keep our ministering motors running.

God does not condone self neglect especially if it endangers the care and ministry to other people. I sat next to couples, siblings, families that looked just as disconnected with each other as they were with the strangers that joined in on the camp. I saw sunken eyes and faces aged beyond their time. People thought that they could take a personal debt that was not benefiting anyone involved. Somehow, people tricked themselves into putting 100% of their energy on 20% of their family. And you wonder why families are imploding.

Special needs families are the most likely to get divorced... it seems right up there with 2nd marriages (the sources are aplenty). We all matter and we need to start behaving as if we do. Needs are equal even if "special ones" are present. How can we care for others without maintaining our personal reservoir for that care? The more imbalanced and inconsistent a household, the more dysfunction we will experience.

Sometimes we are so in the thick of it that we cannot see it for lack of perspective. I had a complete stranger, single mother, cry to me that she was wanting a man in her life. I had another mother cry out to me as if she hasn't been heard in YEARS. I heard people say that they struggle to keep their family present and in the moment with each other. This is NORMAL for these families, but it's not what God ordained.

We set out to have this family EXperience with EXcitement and EXpectations of shared synchronous joy. And despite the fact that that is very unlikely to happen-- EVER, we have to decide to do the right thing for our families DESPITE the consensus and be willing to fake positive energy to beget more positive energy.

For the people who want the right things WILL attain it as long as they own THEIR experience and not make it contingent on others. My husband and I made the best of it. I took a human inventory and decided that people are even more precious and worthy than I did before the weekend. I had time with my Heavenly God in a higher elevation (of the mountains). I rejoiced that we have stayed steadfast, with HIM strengthening us.

This weekend symbolizes another stamp on our relational passport. I've also referred to it to my counselor as our "relational resume."I keep a special binder will all of the family and marriage enriching activities we've participated in. They are the bricks that keep our family strong despite our fleeting and conflicting feelings.

This cognitive moment reminds me of a story I heard off of Facebook of a lesbian couple. Their adopted son was worried that they were going to announce a divorce. But instead, his mothers called him to take a special ride in their RV. To his relief and joy, they were celebrating hitting 100,000 miles on the odometer as a family. There was no divorce on the horizon, just many more miles to share in this imperfect life.

And that's how I feel about every time we pile in our car (whichever one is working at the moment, tongue in cheek) to go to a special event. We know they are all milestones and testaments to our family story. We choose to forget the bitter moments and we proudly display the ones that show our strength.

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So I pray:

God, I ask that you anoint all of these family moments to shape our families into your ideal for relationship and love. May all of our imperfections just remind us that we need you to fill in those gaps so that we have an overflow with which to care and minister to ourselves and others. Let us dedicate specific moments to you as we attempt to align with your Word and bring a bit of your Heavenly love on Earth. In your Great Name I humbly pray. Amen.

God bless you~