Reassurance in being under scrutiny...

People who are under scrutiny are more likely to act righteously than people who act without discretion.
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Accountability is usually connected to our level of conscience. The amount of accountability we allow upon ourselves usually corresponds with how much we are driven by our conscience and morals and religious standards. When someone scrutinizes you, consider it God's sign that you are not the hypocrite. The one UNDER scrutiny is usually able to course correct if they need to, but many times- they are scrutinized because they have offended others- and not necessarily maliciously. It is something to be expected in the life of a God fearing person or otherwise.
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Scrutiny is something we should invite into our lives especially if we feel we are doing what is right and being truthful. The aim is not to get people's approval- we need God's blessing most of all. If anything we have full right to claim the truth in our subjective experiences - philosophers have argued on this for all time. Objective truth is an illusion altogether. There are many variations of the truth to be experienced by us all.

There is the philosophical Kantian stance of "categorical imperative" (wiki-Kant; moral philosophy) where we should only do things that we should do to everyone at all times. This is an extremely high standard of living with a huge emphasis on striving to do things out of moral obligation. This is beyond the Golden Rule. I also appreciate that Kant was a God-fearing and defending philosopher. Basically, I see Kant as saying- there is never a time that our actions shouldn't be weighed. To say that a person never, always anything- is quite preposterous. Most people are NOT categorically anything especially if they interact with other people. And to claim such things is to blatantly exaggerate. I have faith that people can spot exaggerations.
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There is a fallacy that we must say things or believe things that are pleasing to most or all others. We must construct our worlds to where we can be comfortable to defend our actions and beliefs. There is really no such thing as complete solidarity. There is no way to completely avoid conflict. Ultimately, why do we want to impress earthly fallen people who will have no bearing on your eternal life? If I'm a hypocrite, chances are, many other people are too- that is the nature of being a sinner. If I'm going to try to live up to anyone else's standards- it will be those of my Almighty God. In other words- are there ANY eternal rewards for pleasing earthly people?

I'm okay with the dualities that people project. I can accept that people can love me and also hurt my feelings. I understand that I can be someone's friend but maybe not BEST friend. I understand that I am called to love my biological family, adoptive family and eternal family. I understand that I am called to live righteously and also repent of my mistakes. I understand where I correct my bad habits, I'll have other ones to weed out of my life- with the accountability of my trusted friends and of God.

And most of all, I can understand feeling utter love drown out any roots of relational pain. Yes, I said it- p.a.i.n.

God Bless you all...