A Plan, not Plan A

Perhaps, I give up to easily (at least compared to my husband). He will spend hours hell-bent on going or accomplishing what he set out to do. That being said, his frustration threshold is considerably lower than mine. It takes more to make me throw in the towel than him from situation to situation. 

  

I was noticing that there were some things that seemed to ruin our plans that turned out to work out probably better than the way we had envisioned it. I have learned to make inconveniences (to my plan) into opportunities for growth in unselfish ways.

GUEST POST: Living with a History of Adoption

I recently seized the opportunity to submit a blog post on my experience of being adopted. A fellow blogger was so gracious to suggest to me this guest post opportunity with Anglia Counselling in England. I've also been able to meet a fellow blogger who I took forever to realize lives in my town! My husband has been so supportive lately of my blogging venture that he even offered to watch our three kids so I could have more time to fit in this labor of love!

I hope all of my efforts, although amateur, are shining through to you, my lovely reader. It's a thrill to grasp that hundreds of you are spend some of your precious minutes on my blog. Many thanks. I am doing my best to catch up with my comments. Please know that I'm also visiting your internet "domain" in the meantime. Like my business card says, I want to show you my appreciation by featuring you on my blog wherever I can. 

As I mentioned before, I have a guest blogging opportunity open to anyone who wants to blog about giving or receiving blessings and good karma. For more details, contact me at merejasmin@gmail.com Thank you for stopping by! Blessings to you~

Living with a History of Adoption

#TheSundayPost

Assumptions for Better Relationships

Based on a TED Talk

You are Safe to Assume that:

1. People want Help
2. People would do Better if They Knew a Different Way
3. People Filter What they Hear
4. People Don't Prefer to be Alone

Ten Things of Thankful June 26

1. We went to the Renaissance Festival for the first time. I was a little anxious because taking 3 kids to the grocery store is a headache, why not a huge festival with thousands of people and ornate things to look at? Well, the joke was (pleasantly) on me! We had an awesome time we spent almost 6 hours at that place. Gabriel slept for 2 of those hours. The kids were well behaved. It rained but we stuck it out. We ate turkey legs, strawberry Italian ice in orange halves and some "adult" drinks. We saw a fire eater, sword swallower and a swashbuckling performance of "pirates.

2. Dinner at Los Dos Portrillos: After the Ren Fest, we said "heck, that went well enough, how about we finish the day at Dad's fav Mexican Restaurant in Colorado?" We went, we ate, we conquered the fear of eating out with 3 kids. Even Gabe at 13 months, ate his heart out of chicken, taco meat and rice and beans. Our bellies were full and no complaints. The heavens must have opened up on this particular day. =)

3. Gabriel found sure footing on this particular day last week. We were waiting for brother to finish his speech therapy. We were "camped out" on the lady's front yard. Gabriel zoomed around on the grass, over the sidewalk and examined the trees from his new vantage point. We shared a lollipop and had a relaxing time. It went by fast and it was a beautiful day.

4. Robert and I had a spectacular night where we did pretty much everything we've wanted to do in the span of time that we normally have but never accomplish that much. So we worked out, played Titan Quest Immortal Throne, helped the kids read, read this book together and had some private time. I wish all work nights could go this well. What is with the great "run" my family's been having? Knock on wood that it keeps coming...

5. We bought a kicking/punching bag off of Craigslist. The one time the seller is nearly down-the-street.  Robert and I have worked out together a few times already using it. Try roundhouse kick followed by side kick without putting your kicking foot down! Feel it in the obliques. Reminds me of the days of being a TKD assistant instructor. I was taking gymnastics for a little while too. I had this insane notion that I could get into aerial Taekwondo. That ship has sailed a loooooooong time ago. =)

6. Kids are done with school as of June 20 for my daughter. She finished 2 weeks later than my son who is in the above picture. I can't believe I have a now 3rd and 7th grader! Where are the grey hairs hiding? Oh wait, they haven't started high school yet. That's when it will happen. =)  My new challenge is to get them to retain their reading and math skills over the summer. On top of that challenge, my daughter will be away with her dad for half that timespan. 

7. No Getting Up early for morning insanity. It get's old living according to a timer and alarm clock. It makes me appreciate when kids do what they're supposed to on their own without reminders. Yes, I know. It seldom happens. But when it does, I'll put it on my thankful list!

http://www.fau.edu/business-services/images/locations/starbucks.jpg

8. I checked my Starbucks Rewards account by chance and was notified that I had a Birthday Reward to redeem. Sweet! It was going to expire in 2 days. I'm so thankful I accidentally found out that I could get a free one!

9.  Sexy push ups. Well, I'm not going to say much more. We were clothed and laughing. We're trying to make the most of our workouts. We want to have fun and entertain each other. Meanwhile, Gabriel drooled on us. It was good for laughs

10. I cashed in my MOO.COM perk off of Klout.com. The business cards came out really nice. Now, just to give them out...

My Other Thankful Posts

       

http://summat2thinkon.wordpress.com/ten-things-of-thankful/

No Fail No Fry Chicken Wings

The Story Behind the Big Boss Man Machine 

and the Health(ier) Chicken Wings

So last year, I found a great deal on the Big Boss Oil-less fryer on Nomorerack.com. [This is not a paid advertisement for either companies. ] I was trying to wait to give this to my husband for his birthday but I couldn't stand the wait. I already waited 2 months hiding it in the front closet.

I convinced him that he should open this gift early even though it was for his birthday in early November. So, he was impressed and skeptical. To be honest we've tried this on potatoes with little luck (sorry, Big Boss company). BUT, chicken and steaks do so very well in this man machine. (4 oz. filet mignon, 5 mins each side @ 425, perfecto!)

So, my husband wanted to enjoy chicken wings at home. The snack pack of T.G.I.F. Friday's frozen premade wings are $8 for about 18 puny wings (even with the breading)! But, we buy the Walmart 4lb pack for $9.49. That pack lasts us two occasions of wing goodness. It's a better buy for more meat.

So chicken... meet your best ally.

Chicken Fingers According2Meredith

Story behind these chicken fingers: 
My husband  took a contracting job at an electronics company that filled government orders for parts. It was a hard job for him because it was the 2nd shift (1:30-10pm) and he didn't like working his fingers raw with wires.

It was a fortunate job though, because it allowed us to move out of the apartment and into a nice neighborhood outside of Denver. It was nice because, where most things seemed difficult, he got this job fairly easily. I counted ourselves blessed at the time.

This is also the time I spent helping my middle son learn how to read since I had to take care of the after-school stuff during his shift. It was an arduous task full of battles, but I finally listened to his whining enough that he got tired of saying the same thing without me giving up on him. (grin)

So, as our guilty treat for working through this work shift as a family, I was teaching myself how to make awesome chicken fingers for a snack once he got home. I would make these for him and we'd watch some TV while we ate. It's still one of our favorite past times.

Defensiveness Fails

Reporting to you in a representation of Real Life:

It might seem like the things that I write are from a place where I'm standing outside of a reality similar (not the same) as you. But, as different as my life is from yours- it is not without a flux of challenge and victory. Thankfully for me, most challenges have become victories. Hallelujah~

Defensiveness Fails

Creative Whimsy Prompt [1]: 9 Fantasy Cubes

Flexing my Creative Muscles

Rory Story Cubes

 Roll & Play Style #1

Roll all nine at one time, start with a cube that grabs your attention and string the cubes together as you build your story.

As long as I can remember, I have not had a good creative mind. I never played dolls much because I didn't have the colloquial imagination. Perhaps that is why I have a problem with art also. I can draw things I see (not well) but forget trying to draw something from my imagination. I don't see a "whole picture."

I don't know why I am this way. I feel deficient. Many Asian people are gifted at drawing and the like. It skipped over me! I don't know what to attribute this lack of skill to. This is the only area in my life I feel like I could never get better at, at least visually.

But, with writing and artificial imagination stimulation, I might be able to improve. Ultimately, I just wanted to have a way of building writing skill without making you want to poke your eyes out due to my intense writing.

I bought these cubes with my kids in mind. I wanted something that I could play with my kids and something that would at the same time help my son develop language while practicing. I think I'll have my kids play this with me and then write their own short story based on the game to keep their reading and writing skills over the summer break. What are you doing to keep your children's brains going over the school break?

So in addition to my Words With Friends Writing Prompt posts,  I will periodically do Rory Story Cubes to hopefully entertain you. =) Feel free to add your version in the comments below using my order or the order of your choosing. Knock my socks off!

Kick the Blaming Habit in 5 Steps

1. Bless the Other Person

Just because you are at odds doesn't mean you need to curse the other person. Unless this is the last time you're planning on seeing them...

2. Love in Return for Wrongdoing

Love in this situation reflects more about you as a person than what the other person deserves.

3. Accept the Person as They Are (Imperfect)

When we acknowledge that all people are imperfect, there is less need to alienate each other for being human. If we wait to accept people when they are perfect, it will be a futile waste of patience. 

4. Mend the Condition of the Relationship

Where blaming tends to harm the condition of the relationship, we can purpose to do the opposite. Mending adds to the strength of relationships.

5. Elevate the Other Person

It is hard to be harsh to someone we elevate in value. It would also elevate the standards of the relationship.  

10 things of Thankful June 15

My Week Inventory of Blessings:

(1, 2) Husband has been doing his double dipping with his job and so I have double blessings because of that. We are getting double the paycheck and my husband has been getting home 2 hours earlier. It was an adjustment to my usual routine, but it was a good reason to switch things around in my day so I could maximize that extra time with him. 

(4) While we're on the subject of time schedules, my son finished school the first week of June, so this past week I've been able to get up 30 minutes later since my daughter's school starts later. And when she's done with 2nd grade, I'll have even more relaxing mornings.

(8, 9) I had my first try at publishing a guest post on Tuesday and Wednesday. My posts for Catt [1] and [2] got gracious responses from my audience. I also got to meet fellow blogger and Coloradan,  Kathe with an E for dinner at Village Inn. She runs a blog based on her eye for table-scapes. She also has a weekly link up that I mention on my link up page and runs a blogging group on Facebook. Outside of that she has a full time job! It was a wonderful opportunity to learn about a precious soul. So funny that we discovered each other online despite how close we live in the same town. What a small world!

(3, 6, 7) We were blessed to find a new babysitter for our baby Gabriel. She has kids around the same ages of our three (in home). So with this new babysitter, the four of us went to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I won't dispense any spoilers, but I think it was a crafty and attention grabbing action movie. I got to stop by the Korean store to restock dried mushrooms, prepared foods, fish cake, rice cake and red pepper paste. The red pepper paste is nothing like the red pepper paste that my mother grew, cooked and shipped to me back in 2011. I miss my mom in Korea. She has a hard life but has a heart of gold.
 

(5, 10) I know that Gabriel is not the only baby that shares, but it is just so sweet to see his eyes light up with satisfaction when we let him feed us. He really understands that life is a shared experience. From the first days he was alive, I've rubbed my head against his as an affectionate gesture. When he was about 3 months old he started doing it back to us. This kid has stolen my heart (and my birthday!) And today, for Father's Day it feels so good to honor my husband for the way he has helped nurture our son Gabriel into a vivacious, smart and loving boy.

My heart goes out to all of you who are missing your families and fathers due to distance or passing. I hope you had a special day celebrating the fathers in your life. Thank you for peering into my life with the lens of thanks. Many blessings to you~

#fathersday #tenthingsofthankful #ttot

My other Ten Things of Thankful Posts

http://summat2thinkon.wordpress.com/ten-things-of-thankful/

Human Placebo

The Placebo Effect is Real...

Thank Heavens

Dear Reader,

I have gone through 34 years of life to realize that the "placebo effect" is so very real. It is as real as the pain that saturates our human race. We are walking around with deficits from things that were withheld from us-- searching for that placebo. Searching for the thing, the person, the ideology that will "fill us up." The kind of filling that would fill that void to the "T". The placebo would ideally be the exact amount we need to make our lives better, or to at the very least, anesthetize our pain.

We want this "placebo" to fill us up, not to purposefully use it or abuse it, but to make us whole. We have a drive to be whole. It is part of being a living thing. It is in wholeness that we imagine ourselves being the best versions of our-self; we would be smarter, more successful, more popular.

The good news is that everyone has a void. 

REFLECT ON CATT

PART 1 | PART 2

There are some people you meet that you can never forget.

I don't want you to forget Catt. What ever stirred inside your mind and your heart as you read her story, sit with that a while. Let that feeling help shape and soften you to the world outside of "me."

When I read through her core post, I thought to myself: "I don't want to be the same person after I do this guest post with her." Without telling me (or you) what part should or needs to change or adjust, don't resist it. It's your journey, you take the steps.

There were a few things that hit me while editing her story. We have a lot of similarities related to our experience as adopted people. We have some strange ways of relating to people based on our most foundational abandonment. But we also have a fierce sense of loyalty and willingness to change to solidify relationships.

That willingness is something that you won't readily find in non-adopted people. And if you do find it, don't let it go. It's a precious character trait to have in yourself and in your loved one. It's the thing that will take a relationship the distance it needs to go.

She and I both grew up only children. Not having siblings painted the way we learned to associate with other people. Additionally, our feeling of estrangement (distance) with our adoptive family were shared. For her, her "at odds" feeling was resolved, and unfortunately, mine is still ongoing. At this point, and Catt would agree, it is in God's hands.

I was struck by her willingness to bare her bad and ugly side. Perhaps it is because she feels so remade in the "image of God" that who she was does not taint who she is today. That is a really healthy relationship to have with your past.

For me, I don't like to share the ugly of my life. I am at peace with it, but I'm not at the point where I feel like if I speak about it, it will touch people's lives. In that sense, I feel quite ordinary. I have some lesser (from my P.O.V.) issues that I need to work through and perhaps that will be the juncture when I feel led to bare more of my life.

I do feel like I have great purpose in life. I feel like the great things I have done and can do is through God's provision of skills and intuition. I feel like I have a book waiting to be written about my life. I feel that I have an impact on humanity that has yet to take force. I know that this life is more than "about me." 

GUEST SERIES: Catt Peace 2 of 2

Graphic: According2Meredith.blogspot.com, words of Catt Peace

Continued from... "

You have to be a Christian to have 

your prayers answered. Right?

 

How Adoptees Find God

The following are her words with my editing, formatting, brackets and headers:

I Dream of...
Rationally thinking, all these conversations with the two of them must have been on my mind, as one night I had a dream. In my dream, I met the person: the person I had always been needing and looking for. I spent what felt like an eternity with him [feeling] so happy and peaceful. We talked, laughed, and joked.  At the end of my dream, I said "I don't know your name", and this vision of perfection smiled at me with the most beautiful smile and said "I know, I'm Jesus".  I woke up feeling amazing.

Magic of the Subjective Experience
[Although it] sounds corny and weird; it happened. When I told my colleagues, one was amazed and the other was jealous. It was still several months, maybe even a year, before I let this gnawing feeling on the inside get the better of me. I asked the Christian colleague ([that] I didn't get on so well with) when the next 'public' (less full on and less dramatic) service was as I felt I needed my 'yearly dose of religious.' Having grown up always attending Christmas and Easter services at the Catholic Church of England and Evangelical-type establishments, [I could at least do "that."]

Slaughter-er to slaughtered?
My colleague was a bit taken aback. My co-workers, [not unlike other believers,] spent so much time patiently inviting colleagues to church only to be scoffed at behind their backs.  Still, every Christian knows they are setting themselves up for slaughter whether publicly or privately with non-believers [when they broach the subject of religion]. 

Receiving blessing with moral support
I persuaded my best friend at the workplace to join me (strength in numbers) for a service my colleague had forgotten to invite me to. (He says he will never forget that, the one time he gave up asking was the one time I asked instead.) [At the part of the service] when a man was asking if anyone needed prayer, I nudged my diabetic atheist friend to go up. {Mental monologue as follows: I didn't need prayer. I had some form of belief in a higher power having studied various religions only to conclude that no-one had it quite right. "That would do me just fine. Thank you."} But my friend would only go if I did. [So I went because] I felt he needed it.

Challenging the Power of Laying Hands
[Now, we are both in front of the preacher.] In heels, I towered over the man who stood in front of me and asked what I wanted prayer for. I quite cheekily said, "Anything He wants to give me." As this preacher man put his hand on my head, it felt like a battle of wills as to who was going to win. It felt like he was pushing me over 'in the Spirit' (I had done this religious nonsense before) against my heels holding me upright. I won. Ha, take that you religious weirdo.

Church for a healthy social environment
In the time that followed, I started attending Church as something to do. I had made the decision that my long-term boyfriend (the angel who had set me straight again) and I needed to move forward in our relationship. We were living in a tiny dingy little annexe with mould growing on the walls and not enough sunlight.  [It was time for a relationship upgrade.]

I went to Church to meet people in the local area. I went to Church [only] for something to do on a Sunday. On a particular Sunday, I had already decided that I needed to find somewhere new to live and made a precise list of what I wanted in a home. After looking for a week or two all over the internet [of my own power] to no avail, I raised my thoughts heavenward. I said "It's me again. Help us out and I'll make this a regular thing, yeah?" 

Be careful what you pray for... It might come true
[Precisely] that afternoon, I found my dream home in a previously undiscovered corner of the internet. My list was ticked off. On my solo and very modest wages, I would be taking a massive financial risk. My parents promised me assistance and encouraged me. They, and many others by this point, weren't too fond of my long-term boyfriend anyway. [Furthermore, they thought this move would likely move him out of my life.]

Fast forward a few months, my boyfriend and I had none of the same interests and none of the same friends. I decided I needed to learn how to live my own life and make myself happy without him. [Eventually,] we spent a lot of time apart. You can only ever change you, not other people. 

Christian Camp Take Two
I was begrudgingly persuaded by some of my new 'friends' in the Church to attend a Christian camp. [It didn't take much effort as,] I had done it before. I could deal with a week of religious nutters as I needed a holiday, [I sounded off in my head]. They were planning on talking about what the Church was doing in society [and] mobilising 'God's Army.' I thought I'd go along to learn what I could about me. [I planned on] separating the message about God from the general theme of being a good person. "That’s basically what Christianity is, right?"

All Signs looking up
Just as we left the home of the now friends', previously [strange] colleagues, (all packed up [as if we are heading] to a week in the sun), I stopped my car.  I said, "Something special is going to happen. [I noticed all the signs that were jumping out at me.] It's exactly ten years since I last went to a camp just like this and ten years since my parents got our old dog." (My parents were getting a puppy that weekend.) [Those signs gave me] a weird feeling of anticipation.

I was and still am well aware of the politics within any organised group, including and especially churches, so I linked arms with a new friend. We distanced ourselves [physically] from the rest of the Church. Even to the point that on the first night, we sat seperate from each other, and seperate from anyone else we knew. 

Gripping the Heart of the Adopted 

GUEST SERIES: Catt Peace 1 of 2

Introducing a Friend & Kindred Spirit....

This is not the first time I've correspondence worked with Ms. Peace. I met her while participating in the same support group for adoptive families. She is real to the core and can unabashedly talk about herself knowing she is a redeemed and priceless soul.

Now for the Word-Smithing of

Graphic Credit: According2Meredith.blogspot.com, words of Catt Peace

The following are her words with my editing, formatting, brackets and headers:

You have to be a Christian to have 

your prayers answered. Right?

A bit of luck

When I was a young teen, maybe even preteen I attended a Christian camp for a holiday. Having been loosely involved in Church activities (as a clause in my mid childhood adoption from an Evangelical Christian family to an Atheist one), I didn't feel unease at being enveloped in the week-long camp. I had been encouraged to begin attending a lunch-time prayer group at my Catholic school to make friends, and this lead to an unexpected opening to the camp as a friends sister had paid up her holiday and was taken violently ill quite suddenly.

Camp
I went along to the camp, and the girls I roped in with weren't particularly overjoyed at having me hanging around. I was anxious, socially awkward, clingy, bizarre. I have always been good at spending time alone though, or making one particular intense 'special friend' for any needed amount of time. Almost like a hunter, pick off the weakest or friendliest in a group and claim them for my own.

Back in History
My history at this point was as follows, the first few years of my life were spent living with my alcoholic biological mother, who was incapable of looking after me and moved me around a lot. She had a lot of boyfriends. My biological father would follow us and rage about her behaviour. She was in and out of hospital, like I was in and out of foster homes. I was adopted aged 7 after a few years in a more stable environment.  I moved to a suburban housewife's paradise, a world away from the poverty and trauma I had experienced with my bio-Mum. 

God Twerk

Clash of Cultures

10 Things of Thankful June 8

My Thought Life: Thankfulness

Join in with your own list.

I suppose I talk a good game...

Provoke Love

RECOGNIZE THE POTENTIAL FOR LOVE

Reflection: "Motherless by Choice"

SOURCE

This woman, student and author, has had a pretty hard lot in life. Her article that I linked to under "source" is raw and moving. I felt her conflicting emotions and tug of loyalty between herself and her mother. I felt drawn to reflect on her story as it is reminiscent of mine. I am also "motherless by choice," but I'm also family-less, and I've been involuntarily motherless through "virtue" of adoption. As I recently wrote an article about my life living with adoption, I came at a new understanding of my experience in life. Please scroll through the infographics and my accompanying words.

(I have forgiven my parents and myself for the condition of our relationship. They did the best they could with the tools & experiences they had.)

Katie Naums Toxic Relationship | Create Infographics

Can you relate? I can...

Words With Friends WWF Prompt [4]: 06/04/14

ANTHRAX: TW tile, 2 TL tiles, 75pts

The Psychology #DIY for #Frugal Living

Human USB

Who are you? How do you know?

I watched this TED talk performed by Thandie Newton on how she mistakenly valued how she thought of herself independent of when she was interacting with acting or other people.

She, by all appearances, seems to be a person who would not be burdened much, other than by too many romantic overatures. But she revealed to the audience that she had identity issues revolving around how she perceived herself (racially). She is half African and half Caucasian. 

She said, that humans put too much of an emphasis on diversity as if it is an anomaly when it isn't. No matter what person was spawned [tongue in cheek], they are always half their mother and half their father. Actually, she said that scientifically they found that Africans from different countries in that continent have more genetic diversity than between an African and a British person. Wrap your head around that one! 

What I found fascinating is that she felt most alive when she was dancing or acting. Put differently, she felt more person-ness (wholeness) when she was plugged into a USB. No, just kidding. =) Referencing my leading photo.